Parenting by the Seat of My Pants

Destiny

2010-02-24T23:43:00.000-08:00

I have told the story of how Kenny and I met to just about everyone I know. I finally wrote it all down. I wanted to post it here as a way to document it. This blog talks about our lives and it probably wouldn't be right not to share how our life together began....

DESTINY

How I Met My Husband

The first time I met my husband was some time in 1986. He and I are not sure whether it was during summer vacation or Christmas vacation or some random weekend. I was with my friend driving around downtown Portland. That was what we used to do to entertain ourselves those nights before we were old enough to go to bars. We’d cruise around, looking for interesting people, playing music loudly in the car.

We were home visiting from college. We attended the University of Oregon in Eugene, about 100 miles south of Portland. Ironically, he wasn’t from Portland and neither was his roommate. He isn’t even sure why he was in the city that night.

That night, my friend, Kierstin and I were cruising along and looked over and saw two cute guys waving at us. We rolled down the window and recklessly talked to them between cars. One of them kept saying, “you were in my calculus class.” He was really cute; I am not sure how I missed him. We all decided to go to a nearby park to hang out. They were older, college seniors, and had some beer with them. We all sat on a picnic table, drank some beer and hung out.

Apparently, the cute one was in my calculus class. He described the class I had the previous semester. Yes, I had been in that class. He even described a sun dress that I had. I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or creeped out. I chose to be flattered. He had the bluest eyes I had ever seen. They were a nice contrast to his dark hair. The dimples in his cheeks when he smiled were the clincher. He was just my type.

For reasons neither of us can recall, he never got my phone number. I am not even sure I found out his last name. There was no kiss. It seemed to be just a night hanging out with two cute guys. No real connection was made.

Early the next year, I attended a party at the fraternity next to my sorority. The SAE’s were known as partying guys and my sorority sisters really didn’t like them much. We didn’t have a lot of functions with them because we thought they were a bit crude, but there were some politics involved in the Greek society on campus, so you had to make nice with your neighbors. It was at that party, dubbed the “Hello Neighbor” function that I met him… again.

This time he asked me out. There was definitely some chemistry there. Honestly, however, I don’t even remember if we kissed. In fact I don’t remember our first kiss. I remember the kiss that counted, but that comes later.

Our first date was nothing earth-shattering. He took me to a movie that he wanted to see. To this day, he is embarrassed at his choice of movie for our first date: We joke about it. Oliver Stone’s Platoon. I don’t even remember if we had dinner. The only reason I remember the movie is because years later I found the ticket stubs.

He and I dated, on and off, for the next four or five months. It was never really serious. We went to several house dances with each other. I liked him a lot, but never felt like I was in the “girlfriend zone.” He called when he wanted to call and I found myself waiting by the phone more than I liked. We never exchanged intimate thoughts and I found out years later, that he was dating other girls. I knew that he had had serious girlfriends in the past. But it was clear he didn’t want that kind of relationship with me. He was a twenty-one year old college senior who didn’t want to get tied down and I was the silly nineteen year old girl with a big crush.

Our relationship wasn’t even serious enough for him to invite me to his graduation. He graduated and moved to Portland. I saw him once or twice over that summer of 1987, but I went back to Eugene in the fall and finished my last two years of school. We never broke up. We weren’t committed enough or emotionally involved enough to break up. We just lost touch.

He always was the “one that got away.” He was good looking, charming and smart. Too bad he didn’t know how to treat a girl. I used to fantasize about running into him. When I would go home for weekends or vacations, I would keep a thought in the back of my mind of running into him in one of the hot spots in the city. The closest I came was running into his roommate one night. He told me that Ken was getting married. Well… that was that.

********************************************************************************************

In 2001*, I was an executive at a casino in Topeka, Kansas. My friend, Michele, invited me to go with her to Brazil on vacation and stay with her family. We would be in Rio de Janeiro during Carnival, something I had always wanted to do. We found a few friends to go with us and headed off to Brazil for a trip of a lifetime in late February.

On our second full day, we were rested from our LONG red-eye. We were ready to enjoy the celebrations of Carnival. It was the Saturday before Fat Tuesday, when the entire city was teeming with people. There was such a festive air all around. We were meeting Michele’s cousins in Copacabana Beach at a restaurant/bar right on the beach.

There were thousands of people. We were ready for a fun night. We were all dressed to dance. I wore an outfit that I would never wear in the United States. It was a form-fitting skirt and a cropped halter. It was vacation clothing. I had been working out a lot before that and decided to flaunt what I had in a city where nobody knew me (except my close friends, of course).

As we were walking to the outdoor restaurant, we passed a very crowded nightclub. Hundreds of people were milling around outside. As I glanced through the crowd, I. saw. him. It was my old college crush, Ken, standing with a group of guys. My heart stopped for a moment. We made quick eye contact and I quickly looked away. No. It couldn’t be him. “I know that guy,” I said to my friends, “we dated in college.” “No way!” they all said, “we are in a different country, on a different continent, in a different hemisphere! It's impossible!” “You’re right,” I replied, walking with them to meet the rest of our party.

As we were sitting at our table, I kept wondering if that was really Ken. “What if it was him?” I wondered aloud. My buddy, Josh, looked at me as if to say, “duh.” “Lisa, what if you see this guy at some reunion someday and ask him if he was in Rio in 2001 and he says, ‘yeah… why didn’t’ you come over and say hi?’ GO TALK TO HIM.” The insecurities of my nineteen–year-old self came flooding back to me. What if he didn’t remember me? But then I remembered that I was a fabulous single woman in her thirties with a successful career and loads of friends. It would be his loss if he didn’t remember me, right?

I grabbed Michele, a native Brazilian, to go with me. If these guys were Brazilian and only spoke Portuguese, I would feel twice as stupid. With Michele there, at least I had an interpreter. I walked up to the group of guys (Ken’s back was to me). “Excuse me… are you guys Americans?” I began. He turned right around. “Did you go to University of Oregon?” I asked him. “LISA!!” He smiled broadly. Damn, there were those dimples. “I didn’t recognize you until you talked,” he said.

We invited him and his friends to join us at our table. We all shared drinks and food and had a great time. It turned out that they were down in Brazil for a guy’s trip. Ken had just broken off and engagement and his friends wanted to show him a fun time (I didn’t know about the engagement until later). The marriage his former roommate had told me about years before lasted less than a year. We all moved from the restaurant to the beach, where there was music and dancing. We all danced until close to dawn. We exchanged numbers where we were staying with promises to have lunch. There was no kiss, no indication that there might be a spark there.

On the cab ride back to where we were staying, my friend, Shelly, said to me, “Lisa, you are going to MARRY him!” “No. I don’t think so. He was a bit of a jerk in college and doesn’t really do commitment,” I said to her. I didn’t want to get my hopes up for anything romantic with him.

We didn’t get together for lunch until a few days later. It was the guys’ last day in Brazil. We had nearly two weeks left on our vacation. Shelly, came with me to lunch as did Ken’s friend Lance (who my kids now call Uncle Lance). We enjoyed a great lunch at a churrascaria (Brazilian barbecue) and then went and sat on the beach for a bit.

Shelly lives near Lake Tahoe. We all talked about going skiing and staying at her house. We even went so far to set a date a month or so away. I didn’t think the trip would actually happen (it did) since people talk about things like that all the time. He wrote my e-mail address on a Brazilian real (money). We still have that bill today.

He had to get back to his hotel to grab his suitcase to head to the airport. At this point, I was disappointed that he hadn’t made any move to kiss me. As we hit the intersection where we needed to part ways, I decided to do something completely out of character. I knew that I had one chance and I really had nothing to lose. I may never see him again. Before I crossed the intersection to leave him, I said goodbye and suddenly gave him a quick kiss. I never make the first move. But I was on vacation and, for some reason, I really liked him. All those unresolved feelings from college came back to me. I needed to somehow let him know that I was interested.

It wasn’t a particularly romantic kiss. It was quick and could have been with anyone. But, I found out later, that kiss made all the difference in the world. Ken was worried that I held it against him how coldly he treated me in college. Had I not kissed him that afternoon, he may not have initiated contact back home. My bold move to give him a quick, unexpected kiss on the lips changed the course of our lives forever.

*exactly nine years ago today
******This post has been edited to add some pictures. I am linking it to the "Write On" blog special at Tattoos and Teething Rings.

Observations on our daily walk to school...

2009-11-21T18:40:00.000-08:00

One of the coolest things about our new home is that it is right around the corner from the elementary school. It is close enough that it actually takes longer to drive there in the morning. The road between us and the school tends to get a bit backed up between parents dropping off kids and commuters heading to the freeway. Thus, we have walked Jackson to school every day since October 12.

The following is a sample of what we experience on our daily walk*:

neighbors' roses-- Amelia LOVES flowers, especially roses. I am so happy that we chose her middle name, Rose. She feels a special connection.
the traffic light-- they both like to push the button for the walk signal. This is sometimes a trigger for an argument, but we always work it out.
the dogs of the park-- Amelia hasn't met a dog she doesn't like. There is a group of people that walk their dogs every day. We are now on first-name basis with all of them. There is Buddy the yellow lab, Foolish the golden retriever, Sam the collie, Yoda the poodle, Vegas the chihuahua, and George and Gracie the Irish Setters.
walkers-- we see the same people walking nearly every day. There is a lone man who wears a cotton t-shirt and shorts, even when it is 40 degrees, the Indian woman, the two couples, an older gentleman with white hair and the middle aged women.
the big kids on the playground as we cut through the back way-- Jackson always looks longingly at the "big kid structure." The other night at a school function, he and his friend played on the upper grade playground and was in heaven!
Mrs. Elkins-- Jackson's teacher is really sweet. I think Amelia likes her as much as Jackson does. Every day when we drop him off at his classroom, Amelia says "good morning, Mrs. Elkins!" Mrs. Elkins always responds, "good morning, Amelia."
the sun-- inevitably, on the walk back home, Amelia complains about the sun in her eyes and asks me to carry her. I have tried having her wear hats and sunglasses, but most days I end up carrying her at least a part of the way home. *sigh* If it is a cloudy day (which it rarely is), her legs are hurt or tired. I do need to remember that she is only three and a little less than a half mile each way is actually a long way for her. At least I get a workout.

I really hope we can find a house to buy somewhere in our neighborhood. I love our daily walk

*one of these days, I will try to remember to bring the camera and take pictures along the way.

Dilemma....

2009-08-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

Kenny and I are having a debate. It sucks when we aren't exactly on the same page. I want his time at home on the weekends to be nothing but fun, but we have serious things to discuss about our future-- both short and long term.

I want to start our new life. This limbo is taking its toll on me. They are asking for volunteers at Jackson's school, but I can't take on something that I can't finish. I want him to be in a school where he can put down roots and make long-term friends. I want to put Amelia in a dance class; she is obsessed with ballet right now. People are asking me to sub for them at Stroller Strides, but it is hard to commit to anything. I also want to start my new business. So many things can't start until we move. Mostly, I want us to be a family every day again. I miss my husband. The kids miss their daddy. He misses us. I had hoped we would move in the beginning of October.

Kenny wants to wait until we rent out this house. Apparently, the rental market is very, very soft. Renting out this house by October 1 might be a tall order. By moving in October, we are risking paying double rent indefinitely. Who knows how long it will take to rent. The last six months were really hard. With no job, we nearly exhausted our reserves and dug ourselves a decent hole. The future is bright, luckily... but making that hole deeper is not what we want to do.

So here is the dilemma... move in October, taking a financial risk OR wait to move until we rent our house, risking my sanity. It is not that simple of a decision.

I just hope that we get a ton of calls on the house this next week and the question is answered for us. So if anyone out there needs a nice 3.5 bed,* 2.5 bath house with an amazing view, community pool and nice neighbors, send me an e-mail at lisagensel at cox dot net.

First Day of School! First Day of School!

2009-08-17T15:33:00.000-07:00

I often think of Nemo waking his dad saying, "first day of school...time for school" to his dad, Marlin. That was Jackson today! I'm not sure if there are many kids who were as excited as he was to go to kindergarten. I only got a tear in my eye once. The rest of the drop off (and pick up) I was just happy for him.

He had a great day. I picked him up and he was grinning as much as he was this morning. When I asked him (as I did every day after preschool) what his favorite part of the day was, he replied, "coming here." I said, "but what was your favorite part?" "All of it!" I am so happy.

I was one of those geeky kids that loved school. Heck, I still love school. I think that Jackson might take after me in that regard.

Another right of passage down. A new chapter in our lives stretches before us. On to the next thing.

Kindergarten Orientation!!!

2009-08-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

How is that possible??? Last night I took Jackson to meet his teacher and learn all about kindergarten. First this*.......and then kindergarten? What's a mom to do?

It was a tough night emotionally for me. First, by baby is growing up. I am happy and proud, but also a little sad. It flies by, doesn't it? Then I was happy that I had put him in such a great school. The PTA is super involved and the school loves parent involvement. His teacher is AWESOME. Not only does she have 24 years of experience as a kindergarten teacher, but she is passionate about health and fitness. She is an avid runner!! Could there BE a better match for me?

Then I was sad. Really sad. As I started getting excited about the school year and getting involved, I realized that I won't be involved in this school. We are moving in October, and I will be pretty busy until then. Jackson will be spending most of the school year somewhere else. I won't get to hear all about the teacher's style etc. in orientation. He'll be just another "new kid." I am excited about our new life, but now the pressure to find another school just went up. Murdock has set the bar pretty high. At least I know he'll be in good hands for the next six weeks or so.

Lots and lots of changes. I suppose that is life. Bring it on!

*The tooth was lost a couple of weeks ago.

Remembering to BREATHE...

2009-08-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

I can finally breathe. I feel like someone has literally cut strings on a corset and the crushing feeling around my chest has loosened up.

My husband accepted a job last week. It is a great job that pays more than what he was making before. Not only is it a good opportunity for him, but it allows me to potentially start a business in fitness rather than rejoining the corporate jungle. We still have an uphill road ahead of us-- paying credit cards, savings etc. and moving two hours away. However, that uphill road is just a hill after a long run rather than the downward spiral we were feeling only weeks ago.

While thrilled to start a new chapter in our lives, it is all bittersweet. We have come to love living in San Diego. It is really the perfect place to live for us. I am sad to leave the friends that we have here. We have a wonderful network here and it is going to be tough to start over. I remember when I quit my job how hard it was to find moms with kids Jackson's age. Once kids are two or three, all the moms groups are established. I found my group through moms of babies Amelia's age. It will be harder to find mommy friends now that my kids are older. I think the schools will be key. I am sure it will all work out.

Kenny and I spent the last couple of days in Catalina, an island off the coast of Southern California. It was wonderful. We rode our bikes everywhere and spent a lot of time relaxing. Catalina is so laid back. We had a fabulous dinner in a fine dining restaurant in our biking clothes! We both feel relaxed and recharged. We are closer than ever, having come through some bleak times. We are looking forward to the future.

Our next steps are 1) getting this house ready to rent 2) figuring out where we are going to live. Kenny starts on Monday. He will be staying with his parents during the week and coming home on the weekends. I will be a single mom five days a week. Deep breath...it is going to be a long few weeks.

Karma is a bitch...

2009-07-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

What kind of karmic retribution is there for someone who is evil and doesn't know it? Some people are so narcissistic that they don't realize that their actions are as bad as someone who knowingly does evil, yet they go through life believing that they are "good" people.

Something happened last night that set me off. It made steam come out of my ears. I am glad I wasn't with Kenny last night. While I am normally very averse to conflict, I may have said something. Kenny was at an event with some former colleagues. Everyone was very cordial and friendly. After all, bygones are bygones, right? So Kenny was chatting with a particular person and he mentioned that he had recently completed a triathlon. The other person said, "Wow... that's great. So being unemployed isn't so bad!" W.T.F??????? Um... that's like saying to a guy with no legs that he is lucky that he couldn't run that marathon because it was really hard. Seriously? Unless you have the kind of relationship where that kind of interaction is common (it is not in this case), that sort of comment is not appropriate. It is especially not appropriate when you are the person responsible for the unemployment and a good deal of the stress associated with it.

Kenny said that many of his former colleagues were surprised that he hadn't found a job yet. We're surprised, too. This economy is far worse than a lot of people think. When Kenny and I have been laid off in the past, we found employment within weeks. We aren't even getting call backs for interviews this time. This has been an incredibly difficult time for us. It has been hard on our marriage, hard on our family and we have really tried to make the best of it (by doing things like competing in triathlons). For someone to make light of our circumstances is hurtful. It makes it worse when that person seems oblivious to our stress and complains about his (he has to work and doesn't have time to train for a triathlon). I choose to believe that this person is not malicious. He just doesn't think about how is words and actions affect other people. I think that is the definition of narcissist.

This post was originally a specific attack on the individual who said the hurtful comment (with names, links and pictures designed to trigger search engines). I realized that nothing good can come out of putting negative things on the internet about a specific person. I feel a bit better now. I know that the comment by itself doesn't seem like much. However, combined with ALL the things that this person has done (even without knowing), I had had enough. Since this is a somewhat private blog...my vent about this person will stay right here on this blog.

Where's my lucky charm?

2009-07-06T07:57:00.000-07:00

*warning: this post is more of a rant and has a very whiny quality.

I used to think that I had lived a pretty charmed life. I had good jobs, great friends and family, and things worked out pretty well for me. However, there was always the worry in the back of my mind that the charm would fade. I still have a pretty incredible life with two of the best kids in the world and a great husband. BUT... I am not living the charmed life and I don't know what to do to get it back.

I know that compared to some people, we have it pretty good. They aren't foreclosing on our house, but that is because we had a lot of savings built up. The key word is had. The only reason that we aren't in a worse situation is because we had been living beneath our means for the most part and we are blessed to have family who have and will help us. However, the longer we go without income, the bleaker our bright future looks.

The last few months have been tough. Kenny and I have both been laid off before. In the past, we found jobs within weeks. This economy is as bad as the media is saying. At least it seems pretty darn bad for us. Kenny has put in for dozens of jobs and only had one interview. Most people don't even bother to e-mail him to acknowledge the receipt of his resume. Since throwing my hat back in the ring, I have experienced the same thing. I have applied for jobs that I am clearly qualified for (several years experience in that particular position). I have only received one "thanks, but no thanks" response. The other jobs disappeared into the void. In addition to people not giving candidates common courtesy, they are low-balling. We have both seen cases of companies wanting to pay far less than market for qualified candidates, just because they know they can.

The past few weeks have really taken their toll on my positive attitude. Aside from the bleak job situation, my life seems to be falling apart. The grill fell off our BMW. We have the trashiest looking luxury car around! Our big television took a crap. It is sitting on the dining room table with the parts spilled out everywhere (as Kenny takes on DIY). "Check Engine" lights are on in both cars. Our floors have no baseboards, making our beautiful new(ish) hardwood floors look trashy. The other day I was backing out of a parking space and c.r.u.n.c.h....I ran the right front panel right into a cement pole. GRRRRRRR.... a COMPLETELY avoidable cosmetic ouchy on my car! Nothing, by itself, is cause for undue anxiety. But, EVERYTHING seems to be falling apart and we don't have any extra money to replace/fix them. So it is no wonder that when my sister-in-law's dogs chewed a giant hole in Kenny's rash guard, I was nearly in tears. It is a ten-year-old rash guard that is easily replaced. In fact, it was even a bit thread bare. At any other time, this would be no big deal. But COME ON.... can we catch a BREAK??????

Normally, when I start feeling the world close in around me like this, I go for a run. It has saved my sanity on numerous occasions in the past months. Well... I can't even do that!! Somehow, I injured my chest.* It hurts pretty much all the time. It hurts worse when pressure is put on it. A nice hug from Kenny is very painful. :-( I can only sleep on one side and sleeping in any position other than with my arm slung over a pillow is uncomfortable. I ran twice last week. On Sunday's thirteen mile run, it hurt a bit for about 5 or 6 miles and then I stopped noticing it. On Tuesday's seven mile run, it hurt the entire time and seemed to hurt worse afterwards. I decided not to run until I find out what is going on. It is not like the pain is unbearable. I can run fine with a little discomfort. However, the location (the left chest) and the fact that it is not better in eleven days has me concerned about the origin of the pain. I would hate for running to make something minor turn into something worse. I miss my endorphins and I don't have money to go out and get drunk. So until the doctor tells me I'm being a big baby, I'll just pout and feel sorry for myself.

*I am pretty sure it happened water skiing, but I didn't feel any pain while doing it. I had one big fall at the end, but, once again, it didn't hurt. Hmmm....

Civic Duty...

2009-05-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

Several years back, I made a promise to myself that I would never miss an election, no matter how small. I really value my right to vote and what women went through so that I can have that right. While I am not very active politically and really don't like talking about politics at all, I do my part in my own little way.

I have not succumbed to the absentee ballot lure because I really love going to a polling place and casting my vote. There is something symbolic for me that I enjoy. I actually wish that my polling place had red, white and blue curtains like I remember from my child hood (our grade school was a polling place). I also love to take my kids with me so they can know the importance of voting (not just to annoy the other voters with two small children). I became emotional in November as I explained what I was doing. It was such a monumental day.

Yesterday was a special election here in California. The only things on the ballot were a set of measures from the governor's office. Honestly, there hasn't really been much talk about them that I have heard and the political ads were practically nonexistent (thank goodness). Due to the lack of hype, I completely forgot it was election day. I was driving to meet my friends for a Mom's Night Out when I suddenly remembered that I needed to vote. I decided that missing one drink wouldn't be a bad thing and I took a little detour to my polling place. Honestly, I had only done some cursory reading about the measures and wasn't completely prepared. I did know about at least two of the measures and wanted to vote on at least those issues.

As I walked into my polling spot, I found out that they had moved my precinct. I don't even recall receiving my election book; only Kenny did (he is an absentee voter). Did I miss a notice telling me that my polling place of the past five years had moved? The volunteer told me vaguely where I should go. I drove to the street where she told me and turned in where I saw a sign for a polling place. Nope. I needed to go two blocks over. O.M.G. This was getting to be quite an ordeal. For one or two ballot measures, I was driving all over the place. A fifteen minute detour was quickly becoming forty-five. I was starting to get a bit grumpy. At this point, I was committed. I couldn't quit now.

I finally found the right spot. After joking with the volunteers, I was able to finally vote. My mood improved. I went and joined my friends proudly wearing my "I voted" sticker. I didn't miss the drink or two I would have had if I had arrived earlier. I had done the right thing.

She's my girl!

2009-04-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

Amelia just cruised by me with her baby in her stroller telling me she was going to Stroller Strides. Awwwww. She did a few laps and started getting faster and faster. She slipped in her socks and fell down (we have hard wood floors and tile). I said to her, "you know you aren't supposed to run in socks." She got up and started going again,"but, Momma! I am running a marathon!"

Like mother like daughter. It warms my heart.

oh... she just crossed the finish line in victory. :-)

Kitty Kitty vs. The Easter Bunny

2009-04-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

Our cat is a predator. In the years that we have had her, she has brought in various samplings of her prey (both alive and dead) including numerous mice, a couple of birds, a few rats (*shudder*) and most recently a rabbit (Kenny found this one up in our room-- EWWWWWWW).

Jackson just came out of his room after being tucked in for the night. I asked what was wrong (as I hid plastic eggs and fillings behind my back). He was very concerned that Kitty Kitty (yes... that is her name) would attack the Easter Bunny. Can we make sure that Kitty is outside tonight? Oh! But what if the Easter Bunny comes in from the outside and she gets him??

Don't worry, Jackson, we reassured him. The Easter Bunny is tough. The kitty won't hurt the Easter Bunny. We promise.

I sure do love that kid!

grocery shopping gives me a sense of accomplishment...

2009-03-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

Due to our current economic situation, I have been trying different ways to cut costs. One of the easiest is to clip coupons and use them wisely. I follow a couple blogs that help me find some deals, but the rest is from reading through the ads and planning out my shopping excursion. It takes some time (clipping the coupons, sorting them, going through the different ads etc.) but it is definitely worth it. Shopping itself is more involved. That is why I can't do my coupon-crazy shopping excursions with the kids. That is one benefit of an unemployed husband. If he is unavailable, I have a couple of hours on Tuesday mornings when both kids are in school. In a perfect world, this time would be for massages or pedicures. Now it is shopping or getting in a run.

I have had some success lately. Last week I saved over $100 by shopping club specials and coupons. Yesterday, I saved $80 and still have over $9 of coupons that I earned on that trip to use next time.

Here is an example of a great deal I got yesterday at Albertsons:

Five boxes of Kellogg's Cereal
$2.38+$2.38 +$2.38+$2.50 +2.39=
$12.03

Two manufacturer's coupons for $1.00 and
$.70

$12.03-$1.70=$10.33 (Albertsons doesn't double
coupons)

They gave me two coupons for free gallons of milk (up to
$4.69 value)

$10.33-$9.38= $.95

I just bought five boxes of cereal that we use every day and two gallons of milk for less than a dollar!!!! How cool is that?????

For some great money saving tips, try these blogs (there are a ton more, but it gets overwhelming, so I am sticking with a couple for now):

http://happilyaverage.blogspot.com/

http://www.couponcravings.com/

http://www.moneywisemoms.com/

My baby is THREE.

2009-03-17T22:50:00.000-07:00

March 17, 2006 12:04 a.m. (look at how big she is... she looks like the newborns in the movies. LOL)

Her big brother loved her right away.

At 5 months old, you could tell that she was going to have beautiful blue eyes. She has enchanted us with those eyes. How many people in the future will be enchanted by those eyes?

She was a butterfly her first Halloween. To me, she looks like an angel.

Our little precocious 9-month-old took her first steps right before Christmas.

And by her first birthday, she was cruising the party.

Here she is on her 2nd birthday.

She is really becoming Daddy's little girl...

Mmmmm.... cupcakes!

by three years old, she really gets the idea of a birthday party in her honor. She loved every minute of it!

She really is our little princess.

Although the day after her party, she said in a matter-of-fact manner, "Mommy... I don't like princesses anymore. I like POWER RANGERS. Next time I want a Power Ranger party."
Ah, the fickle nature of a three-year-old.

Where did the time go???

Great Forecast!

2009-03-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

Amelia turns 3 a week from today. Where did the time go???

I am super happy that the forecast calls for sunny and 73 degrees on Saturday for her party. We have borrowed a friend's jumpy house and Kenny has added some cute features (a steering wheel and trapeze swing) onto the play structure in the backyard. Between playing outside, coloring and doing foam crafts inside, twelve preschoolers will be entertained. I know that you should really only have three or four kids at a three-year-old's birthday, but how do you pick and choose kids from a playgroup? I am friends with all the moms and Amelia calls all the invitees her friends. I didn't even invite any kids from her preschool.

I think we are pretty darn lucky to be able to call so many people our friends. Isn't that what really matters?

I am looking forward to Saturday.

I love give-aways!!

2009-03-10T15:26:00.001-07:00

I have started to follow a few blogs helping me to save money. I am learning about coupon clipping and all that jazz. One of my favorites, Mommy Making Money, is giving away an Amazon gift card. I can't decide if I will buy my Luna Bars with it, or splurge on a new book.

This particular blog has some sort of giveaway every few weeks or so (and she often links to other giveaways). It is cheaper than playing the lottery. The odds are sure better. A few weeks ago I won some sport wipes from a running blog I read. Even when I don't win, it certainly is entertaining. Give it a try! :-)

Ooh, a fantastic giveaway!

2009-02-20T21:03:00.000-08:00

Check out this cute little coat and the fabulous photographs this woman took. I will need to find someplace to wear a coat like this. I love it!!

I need to get some talent so I can giveaway cool stuff on my blog.

Check out the link: Grosgrain: The Conservatory Overcoat GIVEAWAY!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

Although, honestly, I am not a fan. I really don't have any positive things to say about Valentine's Day. This doesn't come from a bitter place; I left that place a long time ago. Kenny and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day and I don't miss it. It is actually a relief. We wait and try to celebrate the day we found each other at the end of the month. It is more personal to us and doesn't seem quite so contrived by Hallmark.

Why, you may ask, am I such a curmudgeon about a holiday all about love? Well... there are several reasons. Valentine's Day is often stressful for singles, people dating, married couples and parents. I think more people stress out about Valentine's Day than truly enjoy it.

When you are single, it is one of the worst days of the year. Everything around you for the days and weeks leading up to it serve as a reminder that you are ALONE. I remember many single Valentine's trying to get together with girlfriends to ease the pain. Even those times I was single by choice, perfectly content living my single life, Valentine's Day would come around and try to make me feel bad for not being in love.

When you are in a relationship it causes stress. In the early stages of dating, you never know what to get the other person. Are we in a card stage? If so, what kind of card? Funny? Mushy? Should I just give candy? What if he gets me something nice? What if he doesn't get me anything at all? Seriously... it is rarely a relaxing occasion. When a couple has been together for a while, it always seems like there are expectations. I know too many women who have high hopes for VD only to be disappointed year after year. Do we really want cards that are mass produced with predictable sentiment? It is a rare man (or woman, for that matter) that can write a love poem year after year for his/her true love.

And going out to dinner? Forget about it. Menus often are prix fixe and ridiculously expensive. You need a reservation almost everywhere. Everywhere else has long waits. Personally, I'd rather go on a random Tuesday than fight the crowds. This year, it falls on a Saturday. I can only imagine what a zoo it is going to be.

Now that I am a mom, I try to get into the spirit with the kids. However, it seems to be ALL about the candy. I rebel against that notion. My kids didn't get any candy from me. They got books. They did, on the other hand, get loads of candy from the valentine exchange at school. There is no escaping it. I just need to endure a few days of sugar highs and constant begging for the lollypops in their valentine bags.

Don't get me wrong. I love romance. The idea of Valentine's Day is nice. It has become something that is anything but romantic. While I dislike this made-up holiday*, I don't think any less of those who embrace it. More power to them. Some people truly enjoy today and for them, I am glad. I am not sad today. On the contrary, I am having a very nice day. I hope you are, too. *grin*

*I do know that there really was a St. Valentine. However, even historians disagree as to the real saint for which the holiday is honoring. Check out this article on History.com to read more: http://www.history.com/content/valentine/history-of-valentine-s-day

Unlikely friends

2009-02-13T13:09:00.000-08:00

I saw this on another blog I read and thought it was really cute.

Finding inspiration...

2009-02-10T22:48:00.000-08:00

Hope –the belief in a positive outcome in events and situations in our lives.

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. ~Anne Lamott

New Chapter

2009-01-22T07:16:00.001-08:00

This is a couple of weeks late.... I wanted to share some pictures of a momentous day in our little world. My baby started school. There's no going back now. The growing up thing is happening faster and faster and there is nothing I can do about it.

Amelia has been wanting to go to "Jackson's school" for some time now. It was always for "big kids." The director offered me a spot in October for her. I am pretty sure that she would have loved it just as much then. But I wasn't ready. Right before Christmas, she told me that she had a spot available in January. I knew that it would be now or not again until the summer. Amelia is nearly three (sniff sniff) and is really ready. I knew that I was just going to have to suck it up. I had been taking her to a mom's morning out in order to get Christmas shopping done and the hours of free time it gave me was great. I suppose I was finally ready to admit that my baby is becoming a big girl.

I was prepared for her to be enthusiastic about school. I don't think I was quite prepared for how enthusiastic she was. She had to be reminded to say good-bye to me and give me a hug and kiss. That is not just for the first day. Every day since, she has run off to her friends without a second thought about mom. I suppose it is good. She is confident. She is independent. The only thing that makes me feel better is that she is excited to see me when I pick her up after lunch. On her first day, I was fine. I didn't have any tears like I thought I might. I just had an empty feeling while driving away. When I went to pick her up on the second day, she was sitting at a table with other kids eating her lunch. At that moment, a wave of emotion hit me. She really was a big girl.

Here she is, ready to go. She is dropping off her lunch box before going out to the playground before school.

Out at the playground being forced to pose for that "1st Day of School" picture. Jackson wanted to get in on the action. Once I was done making her pose, she ran over to the "merry go round" that several of the kids were on.

I stuck around until they lined up and went into the classroom for circle time.

She didn't look quite sure at first, but seemed to find her place.

She had a great day that day and every day since. For two days a week she gets to be a big girl at school. The rest of the week she is still my baby ;-)

Happy New Year...

2009-01-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

Here is an overview of 2008 with some pictures...

January (we didn't take any pictures in January....oops)

I embarked on a journey with three women that changed my life. My Stroller Strides buddies, Jen and Laura, made an announcement in class that they were going to run the Rock-n-Roll marathon in June. I had always thought about running a marathon someday and the opportunity was presenting itself to me in a perfect package: other moms running it for the first time. The next four months four of us (Jen, Laura, Lisa and myself) ran hundreds of miles together. That decision would change my life and how I see myself forever...

February

My kids are getting bigger. I don't have babies any more. I just love how much they are growing to love each other. Unfortunately, there are almost as many moments where they are fighting as there are funloving ones. In the end, they are each the other's favorite person.

March

My BABY turned two. Where has the time gone? We didn't have a party this year, but we took her to an indoor playground and out to dinner. She had a good day. I don't think we'll be able to avoid a party this year. She's been talking about it since September.

I also ran my second race ever. Our little training group ran the Resolution Run 15K. It was the furthest that three of us had ever run.

April

We went with my friend and running partner Jen and her husband to her sister's house in Canyon Lake, CA. We waterskiied, swam and had a wonderful weekend with new friends. The kids are all the same age and it worked out perfectly. Jen and Greg have similar parenting styles and we all get along great.

May

My life was focused a lot on running. The marathon was coming up and we did our longest runs in May.

June

The big day arrived on the first. Months of training had led up to that day. It was a day of relief, excitement, happiness and even a little disappointment. I ran 26.2 mile in 4:54. I had hoped for a 4:30 finish, but when all is said and done I FINISHED A MARATHON.

A week after the marathon, Kenny underwent surgery to fix his hip. He had a hip resurfacing procedure, which was a major surgery. They shaved of the outside of the top of his femur and put a metal cap there. Six months after the surgery, he is good as new. For the first time since we've been married, he doesn't limp, especially after exercise. He is able to play basketball and volleyball without pain.

July
We had a fun month. We spent the 4th up in Dana Point.

My friend, Heather, had her baby girl Devon. She is a sweet-dispositioned baby and will be a nice complement to her active big sister. Jackson and Amelia just love her!

At the end of the month we went on a family vacation with Kenny's parents and sister to Big Bear. It was beautiful and there was a lot of fun stuff for the kids. One of the highlights was a pirate cruise on the lake.

The house we stayed in had a great deck with a beautiful view of the lake. It was very relaxing at sunset.

August

The kids continued swimming lessons at Bubbles Swim School. It was amazing to see how much improvement they had. Amelia is almost 100% water safe (she still has to be reminded sometimes of her rolling over skills etc.). Jackson is a confident swimmer and loves it.

I ran my first half marathon (ironic that it was after my first full marathon). My friend and running partner Laura ran it as well. We ran the first half together and then I started fading during the second half. It was a hot day and the race was hard, but I am very glad I did it.
September
Jackson turned five. He is growing up to be such a great kid. He had a pirate party down at Spanish Landing park on the bay. There was a buried treasure full of prizes for all the kids to share. The weather was perfect, so after treasure hunting the kids went swimming. Who needs a bouncy house when you have the beach?

October

The kids had a fun Halloween. They were probably both in the most common costume for their age groups. They didn't care. They had a great time playing the part. They both dress up in their costumes still on a regular basis.

Even Mommy and Daddy got into the spirit! Jackson's best friend Greyson was a pirate too!

November

Kenny and I went to Moab, Utah for a mountain biking weekend. Jackson and Amelia stayed with Uncle Jason and Aunt Kristi and had fun playing with their cousin, Serena. It was a lot of fun and the scenery was unbelieveably breathtaking. I definitely got bitten by the mountain biking bug. It is difficult for us both to do it, as I am not confident enough to ride alone. We need to wait until we have someone to watch the kids.

December

This was the best year in terms of Christmas spirit for the kids. It was PRIME Santa year. Amelia completely understands the concept and Jackson doesn't doubt at all. They both squealed at all the Christmas lights as we drove around our neighborhood. Simple white lights on a house would elicit oohs and ahs from these kids. It was really fun.

We flew to Portland for Christmas. There was record snow on the ground. During our direct flight from San Diego they closed the Portland airport. They diverted us to the tiny Yakima airport for several hours. If you look at these pictures, you'll notice that Amelia is wearing my sweatshirt. I had her coat packed in the suitcase and never thought that we would be out on a snowy runway. It was an adventure.

The kids loved their first real taste of snow. Every day, Daddy had them out frolicking in the winter wonderland.

It was a great Christmas and a great year. I hope the next year is even better. Happy 2009!

A notice to Southen California drivers out there...

2008-12-17T22:30:00.001-08:00

PLEASE learn how to drive in the rain. If you can't do it, STAY HOME.

*drive a little slower than normal (some of you speed demons are a menace) BUT please don't drive like an eighty year old woman. It is not like there is slick ice on the road. A normal speed where you are in complete control will suffice. Keep several car lengths between you and the car ahead of you.

*put your freakin' headlights on. OMG...it is pouring down rain and someone with a GREY car doesn't think it is prudent for other drivers to see him? This is an easy one, folks.

*Give yourself plenty of time to change lanes, exit the freeway etc. There is really no need to cut over two or three lanes when there is standing water. I can't believe how many people cut me off this week!

Living in Southern California is funny when any sort of weather hits. You would have thought we had a blizzard. Many of my friends didn't leave the house (which might be a good thing...less people on the roads). The people that did leave the house seemed freaked out. I suppose it is tough getting used to driving in driving rain when it only rains a few times a year (and even then it seems to rain overnight and clear up during the day). I can't even imagine how NUTS the roads were like in Las Vegas this week. If people can't hack driving in the rain, I am sure snow blew their minds!

One of my favorite nights EVER...

2008-12-15T13:38:00.000-08:00

Jackson and I had our very first "date" night on Sunday. In fact, he and I haven't spent a lot of quality time together (other than during nap times) since Amelia was born. This is a fact I am regretting. Luckily, it isn't too late to start. I enjoyed every minute of it. I think he did, too.

It was such a grown-up night. We dressed up in holiday attire and went to a "fancy" restaurant. We ate at the Prado restaurant at Balboa Park. Jackson was so polite and sweet and seemed so grown up all of a sudden. He had plain pasta with butter and fresh grated parmesan. Jackson was very impressed that the "very nice man" grated the cheese on his noodles and he said that it was "delicious." I had a wedge salad with Maytag bleu cheese and smokehouse bacon (yummy!) and yellowtail in a red curry reduction. My salad was perfect. My entree was good, but not great. For $26 I expect an explosion of flavor; something I want to rave about for days. The curry reduction tasted more like a slight infusion. It tasted more of coconut milk than curry. I still finished the entire thing. But I digress....

Then we went to How the Grinch Stole Christmas at the Old Globe Theater. I have heard so much about this show, but never got around to going until this year. It sells out every year and last year I waited too long. I know why. What a charming, charming play! I may have watched Jackson as much as I watched the play. He was enchanted. It was a musical and two of the songs he knew from the cartoon and he mouthed the words with the cast. The other songs were cute and funny. Neither of us were ever bored. I was filled with joy as I watched him soak it all in. I'll never forget his spontaneous, enthusiastic applause after each song. He would turn and look at me with the biggest grin.

We both had such a great time. I am feeling better about putting Amelia in preschool next month. On Thursdays, she is in school and Jackson isn't. That will be our time to spend some quality time together. I can't wait.

I wish I had a camera in my eyes....

2008-12-07T21:04:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have those moments that you want to save, but running for the camera would ruin it? Or getting the picture is next to impossible? I do all the time.

Here is a brief list of some visions that I have committed to memory that I WISH I had snapshots of:

Tonight, when the kids saw the Christmas lights on the house for the first time. With the glow of the lights on their faces, the happiness and wonderment was apparent.
The other day when I was swinging with Amelia on my lap at the park. As we were swinging and she was going up toward the sky, her joy was actually breathtaking. What my eyes saw was a beautiful little girl with her hair blowing from the movement of the swing with a gorgeous blue sky behind her. Her smile was pure and it overflowed to her eyes.
The first seconds after Jackson was born. They put him on my stomach and he lifted his little head (he was a very strong little guy) and looked toward me.
When Jackson is singing or dancing with the tv and he doesn't think I am watching. When we watch, he either gets embarrassed or hams it up even more. I love his natural love of music.

I would love to invent glasses that had a super high mega pixel camera that could take pictures in a blink of an eye. For now I will just rely on my fading memory. Maybe writing them down will help me to recall them later....

Dishwasher Helpful Hint

2008-12-04T14:08:00.000-08:00

NEVER...I repeat NEVER use concentrated dish soap in your dishwasher.

I really appreciate when my sweet husband does the dishes. It is our unspoken deal: I cook dinner and he does the dishes. He doesn't always start the dishwasher, but that's ok. I usually start it during the day. Well, yesterday he decided to help me out and start the dishwasher before leaving for work. Now, the love of my life isn't known for his patience for looking for the daily needs of our routine. Not finding the automatic dishwashing detergent right away, he decided to use the liquid that we use to wash the dishes.

Shortly after he left for work, I walked into the kitchen to find six feet of three-inch deep suds inching across the kitchen floor (my NEW wood kitchen floor). It was something out of "I Love Lucy." After six or seven towels, I had it cleaned up. I had to let the suds inside the dishwasher dry out and wash everything by hand.

Just another day.....

Leftover Turkey Recipe

2008-11-29T18:04:00.000-08:00

Here is a true comfort dish. It isn't healthy. It isn't gourmet. It is, however, pretty darn yummy.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Enjoy.

Turkey Divan

Ingredients

Turkey (leftover turkey or you can buy a roasted turkey breast at the grocery store. You could use always use deli turkey or even rotisserie chicken too)
Can of Cream of Mushroom Soup
Jar of Alfredo Sauce **
French’s Fried Onions
Fresh (or frozen) broccoli
American Cheese (6 or 8 slices)
Cheddar Cheese ***optional

Layer the bottom of the pan with turkey. Mix a can of cream of mushroom soup with a jar of alfredo sauce (**you can always just use a couple of cans of mushroom soup and skip the alfredo sauce... that is how my sister and mom always make it). Spread a layer of the soup/sauce over the turkey. Add a layer of steamed broccoli. Layer American cheese slices over the broccoli (***I also add some cheddar, but the original recipe calls for American). Spread the remaining sauce over the top. Top with French's Fried Onions. Bake at 350 until hot. Serve over noodles or rice.

Variety might be overrated...

2008-11-21T22:51:00.001-08:00

Why is it that we stress about making a unique, interesting dinner every night? Why do I stress if I give my son a PB&J two days in a row? BUT... I have no qualms about giving my kids the same exact breakfast every day. Amelia gets a Trader Joe's yogurt every single day. Then she has one or two bowls of Rice Krispies or Cheerios. Jackson gets a couple of bowls of Cheerios. I sometimes change up whether he gets regular or soy milk. They don't get bored with breakfast and get good, nutritious calories to start the day.

Is it ok to feed my kids Cheerios every night for dinner? Then I would never have to have that battle again....

I hope everyone voted!!!

2008-11-04T16:51:00.001-08:00

Voting has always been a big deal to me. I remember how excited I was to turn 18 so I could register to vote. My husband is a permanent absentee voter. I don't want to do that. There is something about going to the polls and casting my vote. There is something special, something ceremonial about it. I feel important every time I do it.

I love to bring my children with me to the polls. It is a bit of a hassle, keeping them from bothering others, but it is definitely worth it. They will remember that their mother voted in every single election. I hope it teaches them how important it is. This morning my five-year-old asked me in a clear pre-schooler's voice, "Mom, who are you voting for???" I replied, "I don't need to say... it is private." I heard other voters chuckle at our exchange. As I cast my ballot for the president and for some very important propositions, I actually got tears in my eyes. As we walked out, all three of us with "I Voted" stickers, I again was choked up explaining the importance of what I had just done. I know they don't understand it now, but I am sure they will remember this someday.

***this is a duplicate entry from my other blog. :-)

Officially entering a new chapter of motherho.od...

2008-09-30T15:45:00.000-07:00

NO DIAPERS.

It was a long hard road, but I think we have made it. Amelia has gone four days without an accident. Pooping in the toilet instead of her panties seems to have 'clicked.' Wooo hooo!!!! She is very proud of herself and is a BIG girl.

The last month or two alone is enough to make me thankful that I am done having kids. We are ready to move forward with growing up.

It is all somewhat bittersweet.

Five years seems like a long time, but it also seems like yesterday

2008-09-07T07:02:00.000-07:00

The day he was born to the day of his 5th birthday. My baby is five years old. Just in the past couple of weeks he has seemed so much more grown up and even more like a "kid" than a toddler or even a preschooler. How did this happen??

Here are a few pictures of my baby:

September 6, 2003

His first birthday!

Just before his 2nd birthday....

His 3rd birthday...

His 4th birthday...

And this year...

Thinking about a little one who never was...

2008-08-22T13:37:00.000-07:00

I was driving in the car today and the song I Hope You Dance by Lee Anne Womack came on the radio. It took me back six years. My life was much different then. I have become a different person since then. I am now a mother.

Soon after I found out I was pregnant the first time, I heard this song and started thinking about the hopes and dreams I had for my unborn baby. I love the words to this song. The first line alone says so much-- "I hope you never lose your sense of wonder." For 13 weeks, I thought about my future child with excitement and hope.

When I found out that the baby would never be born, I was devastated. Only a women who has experienced a loss like this knows the horrible emptiness that comes with it. I was terrified that we would never have the family that we had dreamed of and planned for. Throughout my twenties and my early thirties, I didn't think I wanted children. I loved the lifestyle of having money with no obligation. As I got into my thirties and finally met my soulmate, I knew that he and I were meant to be parents together. After the miscarriage, I was afraid that my selfish self of my twenties was going to get her way.

That loss was on August 5, 2002. I realized today that the anniversary was a couple of weeks ago. This year is the first year that I didn't think of that day on or around that date. I am so focused on what is happening around here, I don't have time to dwell on the past, I suppose.

I wondered today, what life would be like if that baby had made it. He would be 5 1/2 and starting kindergarten. Would he be a teacher's favorite? Would he make me smile every day? Would he love pirates? I rarely think about that child, because if he were here, then Jackson wouldn't be.

I couldn't imagine my life without my sweet boy. Even on days when he is driving me crazy, he will find a way to make my heart swell. He has a smile that lights up a room. And watching him at Stroller Strides being the little junior playgroup captain makes me so proud. He makes sure that other kids are having fun (as long as they are not touching his stuff *eyeroll*) and even welcomes the moms and invites them to coffee with us. While losing that pregnancy was really hard, I have to admit it was a bit of a blessing.

In addition to bringing me my favorite kid in the world, that loss brought me in touch with some wonderful women. I met some of my closest friends through online support groups. Like the green growth growing from the burn area behind our house, six years after that loss, I can see the good things that have come from it.

Here is the song that used to make me cry every time I heard it because it was a reminder. Now it makes me cry for very different reasons. The words to the song still speak to things I want for my children. As I watch Amelia dance, I hope with all my heart that she always chooses to dance instead of sitting it out. To my kids I say to both of them:

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin might mean takin chances but theyre worth takin

Lovin might be a mistake but its worth makin

I hate potty training!!!!

2008-08-03T21:41:00.000-07:00

I think potty training is a little like childbirth. No one really tells you about all the rough moments, tears (lots of tears) and the scores of wet and (gulp) poopy underwear. As a mother, you conveniently forget these things until you are reminded when you march headlong into getting your second child out of diapers.

First, I have to say, that I don't really do potty training. I like to subscribe to the child-led learning school of thought. The potty training "boot camp" works for many parents, but is really not my style. Besides... I don't know how I would ever find the time to stay at home for three days and be by my daughter's side the entire time. My style led my first born to his third birthday still in diapers. sigh. However, he potty trained like he learned to walk, in a day or two and has had very few accidents ever since. Seriously, by playing the wait-until-he-is-ready game, I never dealt with the dreaded poopy underwear.

Fast forward to my two-year-old daughter. She is ready and eagerly hops on the toilet to go "pee pee." I knew that I needed to take advantage of the window. She is different than her brother and needs a different style of potty training, right? Hmmm.... now that we have started, I really want to go back to diapers full time. This is for the birds. Now that we have started, however, she won't let me go back. "No, Momma!! I want panties!! NOT diapers!" My strong-willed, independent toddler is ready to be a big girl. So WHY won't she poop in the toilet????

This week, we tried and tried to get her to poop on the potty. I have a few big rewards set up for her when she does. In fact, she cried when she saw the princess dolls that she couldn't have until she pooped in the potty. :-( When I knew that she needed to go, I had her sit on the toilet every ten minutes (she is WAY too impatient to sit there a long time). I let my guard down for one minute (literally) and she suddenly says, "Momma, I have poopy in my underwear!" ARRRRRGGGHHH.

Last night, however, we may have made a breakthrough. I realized that, unlike her brother who will sit on a toilet for an hour until he does his business, Little Miss is all about instant gratification. So... I handed her the coveted princess doll, so she could look at the package and all the things inside (slippers, necklace, blue bird). That kept her distracted long enough. I left her on the toilet and checked on dinner. I hear some very magic words, "Momma.... I went poo poo!!!" You should have heard the celebration in this house. We even called her Mimi, who witnessed all the accidents over the last week on vacation.

I hope that it wasn't a fluke. She is in bed right now with her special poo poo prize... Cinderella. If she goes again today, she gets Ariel.

Cross your fingers....

A moment of silence for Randy Pausch...

2008-07-25T14:59:00.000-07:00

An incredibly inspiring man lost his battle with cancer today. I downloaded his lecture to my iPod in April and read his book last month. I was so glad to have known about him through his words before he passed away. His attitude on life was very uplifting.

I have to admit that I shed a little tear today. I don't always cry when I hear about strangers passing, but Randy Pausch's words touched me. I know that today and probably the weeks leading up to today have been the hardest his wife has ever known. His young children will miss their father terribly. His baby girl will probably only have memories from the videos he made since his diagnosis.

Here is a ten minute excerpt from the Oprah show that I found on my friend Penny's blog.

His one-hour original lecture was great. You can see it here or google it and you can download it to iTunes for free.

So many wonders in our world...

2008-07-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

Seven Wonders
A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."

The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."
The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:

1. To See
2. To Hear
3. To Touch
4. To Taste
5. To Feel
6. To Laugh
And
7. To Love.

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous! A gentle reminder -- that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.

[*found on this website: http://www.butlerwebs.com/america/default.htm#Did%20You%20Know?]

New baby to love!!!!

2008-07-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

My best friend, Heather, had her second baby girl on Thursday. Her oldest is my daughter's best friend, Piper. I am so excited for Heather and for ME. I am not having any more children, but sometimes mourn the idea of never having a newborn again. But now if I get that urge for a newborn, I can snuggle with little Devon to my heart's content. I can also check out the bags under Heather's eyes to remind myself that I don't miss the sleepless nights!Look how beautiful this little girl is!!!

Congratulations, Heather and Jeff!!!!

yummy!

2008-07-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

I just made a yummy dinner. To steal a page from Penny's blog, I thought I would post recipes here as I make them up. Tonight's is probably more appropriate for spring, since it was a bit hot for making chicken in the oven. I think I could have done it on the grill, but it was a tad messy, so I would need to do it on a grill pan or something.

Balsamic Chicken with caramelized onions, Havarti cheese and arugula
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, pounded in gallon zip lock bag to about 1/2 inch thick (obviously, this can be made with any number of chicken breasts)
Trader Joe's Balsamic Vinaigrette
3 (or more) slices of Havarti cheese
a handful of chopped arugula
1 sweet onion
olive oil

Add about 1/2-3/4 cup of vinaigrette (or enough to fully coat chicken) to zip lock bag containing chicken and marinate for 20 minutes to an hour.
Saute onions in a bit of olive oil until caramelized.
Place chicken into a baking dish. Layer Havarti cheese, caramelized onions and a handful of chopped arugula. Roll chicken around cheese, onions and arugula and close with toothpicks. Place some caramelized onions on top of the chicken.
Bake at 375 until internal temperature is 160*.

Quinoa with carrots, arugula and parmesan
1 cup Trader Joe's Quinoa
2 1/4 cups chicken broth
1/2 cup cooking sherry
1 clove chopped garlic
1/2 cup chopped carrots
1 1/2 cups of chopped arugula
1/2 cup chopped onion (I just used some from the chicken recipe)
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 cup grated parmesan
grated parmesan to sprinkle on top

Saute onion in olive oil until transparent. Add garlic and carrot until sizzling.
Add chicken broth and bring to boil.
Add quinoa. Add sherry. Cook until most of liquid is absorbed and quinoa is nearly tender.
Add arugula and parmesan to taste.
Sprinkle shredded parmesan on top.

I also made some haricot vert (small french green beans) to serve with it.

new DO!

2008-07-10T18:28:00.002-07:00

Daddy and Jackson have matching haircuts. They cut each other's hair with the clippers. Jackson did a pretty good job on Daddy. Mommy only had to clean up just a bit. Perfect hair for summer!

Giant piece of cake + that last piece of broccoli at dinner = bad news

2008-06-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

We went to a party for our friend Sean's 40th birthday today. It was a lot of fun. The kids had a ball playing with all the other kids and swimming.

When it came time for birthday cake, Jackson was all over it. I don't know if he has ever turned down cake. That kid has a sweet tooth! Someone had a brilliant idea to give him a piece of cake the size of a softball with another two inches of frosting (he really wanted the balloon, which was a big glob of frosting). He ate the whole thing.

Fast forward to dinner tonight. We had some pasta and some broccoli. Jackson wanted to leave the table and I told him he needed to finish his broccoli. As he forced down that last bite of broccoli, his overactive gag reflex kicked in and up came dinner--- including some of the bright green frosting. YUCK!!!!!

I have no idea why I am documenting this story. Someday I will want to remember the unpleasant parenting stuff along with the fun stuff......right????

Mommy, you look pretty...is it a special occasion??

2008-06-25T14:18:00.001-07:00

When I worked every day, I dressed up in office attire, put on makeup etc. I would rarely leave the house without my hair done and some makeup on. Now I am lucky if I get a shower, let alone do my hair or put on makeup.

Last night was Mom's Night Out. I was dressed in something other than workout clothes, my hair had been blow dried and straightening ironed, I had makeup on AND earrings. Jackson walked out of his room and asked, "Mommy, where are you going?" I smiled at him and asked him, "why would you think I am going somewhere??" "Because you look pretty." Awww.... how sweet. But wait, don't I look pretty all the time? LOL.

Then Amelia came in and asked, "Mommy go to book club?" The week before I had my book club meeting. She then added,"mac and cheese with Daddy??" At this question, Jackson cheered, "yeah! Macaroni and cheese!!" Hmmm... do you see a pattern here? Whenever Mommy goes out for either Mom's Night Out or book club, Daddy makes his specialty-- Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. It is actually a pretty cute little ritual. Kenny makes the mac and cheese and all three of them eat out of the pot, taking turns with one spoon.

I suppose that I am sending a message to them that I "come as I am" on a daily basis, but I have fun dressing up every now and then.

New and Improved Hubby....

2008-06-08T17:24:00.000-07:00

Kenny had his surgery Friday morning. We arrived at UCSD Medical Center bright and early (6 a.m.) for the surgeon's first surgery of the day.

Here is a picture of Kenny in the pre-op room getting ready to go. This was before his IV etc. I was amazed how many people asked him what he was having done and which side it was being done to. How, with all that double checking, do people get the wrong procedure or cut on the wrong side? One of the residents signed his initials on Kenny's hip as yet another check. Kenny added his own smiley face sticker as a special "hello" to the team.

I'm pretty sure this was taken right before they wheeled him off to surgery.

Jana texted me not to be surprised or worried when the surgery took longer than expected. I am thankful for that. The pre-op documents said it was a 90 minute surgery. The surgeon, Dr. Ball, told us with anesthesia etc. it would take around 2 1/2 hours. They were supposed to go in between 7 and 7:30. Dr. Ball came to talk to Kenny's dad and I at 10:15. He told me that the surgery was a success. There was a LOT of arthritis etc., more than he actually expected. He scraped away two pretty big bone spurs. All of this should really help Kenny's eventual range of motion. He said that he had extremely good muscle tone and bone density. All of this should help with his recovery.

The arrows point to the bone spurs, I think.... the arrows are mine.

Here is a picture of his new hip. He is now part metal (cobalt-chrome) and will need to be wanded every time he goes through the airport. He said he is happy to drop is drawers and show them his scar. That's my Kenny.

That is when the waiting really began. Dr. Ball had told us that Kenny was awake, but would be in recovery for two hours or so. We read a little, went and ate lunch and sat for quite a while. At 1 p.m. the recovery nurse called me on my cell phone (isn't it interesting what technology does to bedside manner?). She told me that Kenny was still groggy, but would be moved to his room in about 10 or 15 minutes. Forty five minutes later, we FINALLY saw him being wheeled to his room. I had started to worry that something had gone wrong. She told me that they were waiting for the room. Hmmm.... she had my cell phone, couldn't she have called me?? Grrrrrr.....

Kenny was still a bit groggy. He was pale and didn't talk much. A couple times he got a bit emotional and just asked to be hugged. It was hard for me to see him like this. I think we were both surprised that the anesthesia hit him so hard. He was also in some pain. I could see it on his face. They asked how much pain he was in on a scale of 1 to 10. When he said "four" as he winced, I said, "really? are you sure? You don't have to be a hero." He then quietly said, "well, maybe more like a six." They gave him a bit of morphine at that point. That was the only morphine he had.

This picture might have been taken after the morphine.

By Saturday, he looked and felt much better. I brought the kids to see him and it did a world of good for them and for him. Jackson was excited to see him, but had to be reminded that he needed to be gentle with Daddy. It might be tough for Jackson not to wrestle with Daddy for quite a while. Luckily, he's a pretty go-with-the-flow kid. Amelia gave Daddy a quick hug and kiss and then found things in the room to entertain her.

Unfortunately, there isn't too much to do for a two-year-old and four-year-old in a hospital room. Kenny's parents (the kids' Mimi and Boompah) took them back home for lunch and naps. I stayed with Kenny for several more hours. I was able to see the occupational therapist with him as well as the physical therapist. The physical therapist, Jeanette, is a mountain biker and was asking Kenny all about mountain biking in San Diego since she just moved here from Northern California. I think that made it a fun session for Kenny. He did three laps around the wing, when she only asked him to do one.

Things were going OK and Kenny didn't feel that he needed me as much. His parents had been SUCH a help to us, especially with the kids. We knew that it was hard for them to be away from home for any length of time, so we told them to go ahead and head home. I am not sure what I would have done without them. It was GREAT to have them here to help us. And the kids loved having the quality time with them.

Yesterday was a bit more frustrating. Kenny called me at 10 a.m. and said, "they told me to call my ride... I can go home!" Since the doctor had started the discharge paperwork two hours earlier, this didn't surprise me much. The kids and I arrived around 11 a.m. Kenny had just been told that there would be a slight delay. There was some sort of mix up with the drugs they were supposed to send home with Kenny and they were tracking them down. Well....THREE HOURS, several walks with Amelia and an interesting lunch in the cafeteria later we FINALLY left the hospital. While the service at UCSD was friendly, I wasn't too impressed with their administrative prowess on their discharge procedures. AND... we ended up having to go get the prescriptions at a CVS pharmacy anyway. Grrrrrrr.....

So he is home now. He is walking well with crutches, including going up and down the stairs. I had thought he would stay upstairs the entire time, but going up and down is part of his rehab. He doesn't stay on the crutches for long because his hip starts to ache after a while. He is taking a nap now... oh wait, Amelia just went in to see him. Nap over. Oops.

He showed me his incision last night. Yikes. That is quite a cut. I am, once again, reminded why I could never be a nurse. I am way too squeamish! Here is a picture of it. I hope you don't mind seeing a picture of Kenny's butt. LOL. Avert your eyes if you are also squeamish. You have to scroll down a bit so everyone doesn't necessarily have to see it. This will be the end of this post.....

Future rock stars??

2008-05-26T21:56:00.000-07:00

Jackson may be the lead guitarist....

But Mia has future lead singer written all over her....

I know the video quality isn't so great, but it was taken on Kenny's phone. LOL. We were at some friends' house and they had a Rock Band game. Amelia picked up the microphone and just hummed along to Rush's Tom Sawyer. The way the game works, if you mess up too much (miss notes etc.), your turn ends and you get boo'd off the stage. Amelia lasted with the other players doing the guitar, bass and drums. She's a musical prodigy!!!! *wink*

Here is one more of her singing to Iron Maiden:

Jackson is more comfortable singing songs he knows the words to. I don't think he'll be good at improv at all. Some of you may recall his "American Idol" videos he did when he was two and three years old.

Jackson April 2006

Jackson April 2007

We DON'T live in the south. I suppose if we moved there, Jackson would take on a Southern accent pretty quickly- he seems to have the ear. ;-) I can't believe these were taken over a year (and two years) ago! Where does the time go??

A bicycle built for FOUR.

2008-05-25T12:23:00.000-07:00

We had a great evening last night. We went to Lake Murray to go ride on the quad-bike that Ellsworth (the company Kenny works for) has as a prototype. It definitely turned some heads...

What IS that thing??

How it works is there are four seats and four sets of pedals. The kids couldn't reach them, so Kenny and I did the pedalling. Each set of pedals has its own shifter and it took us a while to figure out the best way to shift up and down for the many little hills at Lake Murray. Four adults could get this thing cookin'. I didn't want to get it going very fast because a) we had precious cargo aboard and b) I have a huge race coming up and don't want to be battered and bruised from falling off a bike. :-)

The kids really enjoyed themselves. They looked at the lake, the people walking their dogs, birds etc. I hope that Ellsworth manufactures these bikes because I definitely think there is a market for them. At least there was plenty of interest among bikers and walkers along the trail at Lake Murray.

We may have a future bibliophile...

2008-05-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

Or at least I hope! I actually hope that both my kids have my love of books and reading.

Last night Kenny came home from work late. It was well after 9 p.m. He was able to tuck Jackson in (his bedtime is around 9), but Amelia was already in bed (we put her down at 8). He went in to give Amelia her kiss (he does this if she is sleeping or awake). She was still awake. She is often known to talk to herself and play in her bed for an hour or more. What Kenny found warmed my heart. I now kick myself for not going in and seeing myself, but I don't want her to stay awake longer than she needs to.

Kenny found Amelia laying in her bed with her legs bent. She had a book propped up on her thighs and she was calmly turning the pages to her book. She looked up at Kenny as he kissed her and continued to read her book. She has a reading lamp next to her bed and we leave it on dim when she goes to bed. I'll go in sometimes and find the lamp turned up. I guess I know now that she turns it up to read.

How can I be upset at her staying up late "reading" when I do it myself on a regular basis?

You know you've done something right.....

2008-05-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

when your son makes you proud when you aren't even around. My job as a parent is to instill values and a sense of right and wrong in my children. I hope that they behave as though I am there watching them.

Jackson spent the day with our friends' daughter. Lisa had to work all day and she had a sitter for her girls. She thought that having Jackson there to play with would take some of the boredom out of being in the house with a sitter all week. Apparently, Jackson behaved well and he and Kristen had a great time.

The pride I felt came when I said to Lisa, "I hope that Jackson was good." She replied, "Jackson is always good." We all know that isn't true, but it is so nice that he has that reputation.

Crock pot roast beef....a failure of a meal

2008-05-20T20:07:00.000-07:00

I actually consider myself a pretty decent cook. I make simple things that taste good. I am also married to a man who isn't a very picky eater. This combination makes mealtimes incredibly easy (except for the kids, but that is another post entirely). He is easy to please, so I can experiment and try new things without much risk. No matter what I make, Kenny eats it. He will give feedback if I ask and let me know when something wasn't his favorite.

Tonight's meal wasn't even an experiment. It was a simple roast in the crock pot. I figured that it would be easier to do the crock pot so I could get some other things done around the house. I threw in some carrots and potatoes. I browned the roast on the stove before putting it in. I added some water and some lipton onion soup mix. Various recipes indicated various times. I set it for 6 hours and turned it off after 4 or so.

It was HORRIBLE. The meat was super super DRY. Way overcooked. It also had very little flavor. I would have been better off roasting it in the oven. Even my hubby who likes everything didn't have a second helping. He did, however, raid the fridge and eat some leftover pasta. *sigh* Oh well.... you can't win them all.

Any suggestions for cooking a roast beef in the crock pot? Am I better off cooking it in the oven?

New and improved hubby on the way....

2008-05-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

Kenny is getting hip surgery on June 6. It has been a long time coming. He has had a bad hip since I have known him. Actually, it was re-injured when he was in Costa Rica with his friends right before our one year anniversary of finding each other. He hasn't been the same since.

For the next few weeks, he needs to eat a diet high in iron in preparation for the surgery. It makes sense, but it also seems like a convenient way for him to get steak every night ;-) So during the same time I need to add carbs to my diet, he needs to eat steak. Hmmm... it seems like there should be some sort of nursery rhyme in there-- "he could eat no carbs and she not too much protein...."

I also have to be prepared to give him shots in his stomach. Eek! I am the most squeemish person I know. I know that subcutaneous shots are the easiest to do and the needles are small, but I can't even look when they give me shots, let alone my kids. Actually giving the shot? All I can say is good thing it's true love.

I am nervous and excited. Obviously, I am nervous because this is major surgery. I am excited for Kenny to be pain free. At least his hip will be pain free. I'm not so sure about the rest of his body. In the past 6 months he has torn his MCL, sprained his shoulder and came very close to crushing his heel/achilles. I hope that the hip surgery will be the beginning of a completely pain-free year.

Strange karma going on....

2008-05-17T16:28:00.000-07:00

For some reason my electronics mojo is suffering! Yesterday, my favorite toy, my iPod (and the speaker case it was in), was lost at the park after bringing it to playgroup for a dance party for the kids. I am just sick to have lost it. I had hoped that a child (or even I) had put it on the wrong stroller and that I would get an e-mail that one of the moms had it.

Then, my cell phone took a poop. I can't hear anyone when I am connected. When I use the headphones, I can hear, but no one can hear me. I took it into Verizon and they couldn't fix it. I am not 100% confident in that person's ability due to her utter lack of caring, but she did reset it to factory settings and it still doesn't work. I have never been in love with that phone anyway.

EDITED: I got a brand new Razr for free from Verizon by renewing my plan AND Jen found my iPod and speaker!!! Yeah... the universe is back on track.

Man....doing a post a day is tough!

2008-05-16T07:12:00.000-07:00

I missed another day! I suppose I could cheat and change the date, but that wouldn't be keeping with the spirit of things, would it? I'll try to do two today to make up.

This is yet another story about Amelia. I feel like I write more about her. But she is two and I want to remember all the cute things she does. I have forgotten so much of what Jackson said and did when he was two.

The other day, Amelia told me that she wanted to go pee pee on the potty. She sat there and I got close so I could listen for the tinkle. She pushed me away and said, "go, Momma...I need privacy." Jackson is barely wiping himself and Amelia fights me to do it saying, "I do it!" That little girl is my independent one.

Now... if I can just get her to ask to go pee pee in the potty before she goes in her diaper instead of after.

our little princess...

2008-05-14T15:45:00.000-07:00

For a while now, getting pajamas on Amelia has been a battle unless they were one of two PJs. She will gladly wear her Dora jammies or her princess jammies. On those nights when I havent' done a load of her clothes and neither jammies are clean, it is a battle of wills with this independent little two-year-old. It is either convincing her of the merits of flowers or polka dots or forcing them on her in an all-out battle. Neither are appealing after a long day.

SO.... I decided to buy additional jammies that would excite our little girl who is every bit of a two-year-old girl. Thanks to Jen, I found Disney Princess nightgowns at fabulous prices at DisneyOutlet.com. These were seriously good deals (i.e. $2.99 for a nightgown). I found four velvet nightgowns of various princesses. When they arrived today, Amelia was SO excited. She started taking her clothes off to put them on. "No," I said, "not until after dinner for night-night." The minute dinner was over, she was asking to wear her Princess jammies. She chose to wear Princess Aurora tonight (from Sleeping Beauty).

Look how flippin' CUTE she is!!!!

And Jackson wanted to show off his new jammies too! FYI... Jackson is NOT picky about which jammies he wears, but he has discovered Power Rangers recently and can't get enough....

Singing herself to sleep...

2008-05-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

Amelia is the funniest kid. I am not sure if I can remember the last time she just went to sleep quietly. She talks and sings for at least a half an hour (sometimes it is well over an hour). Kenny and I often hit mute on the tv just so we can listen to our daughter on the monitor. Lately, she sings more than she talks. Much of the time she sings made up songs. Sometimes they are recognizable songs. For example, the other day I heard her sing Once Upon a Dream from Sleeping Beauty. She loves to take her Cinderella doll and Prince Charming and have them dance together while she sings that song to them.

It makes my heart melt.

Happy Mother's Day!!

2008-05-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to everyone! Mine was extremely uneventful, but not altogether unpleasant. We decided not to go to Dana Point to see Kenny's parents because we all have a bit of a bug. Amelia is the worst... she is FULL of snot. She coughs at night etc. I have some chest congestion, but am feeling ok. I think all this exercise, eating well and supplements is helping my immune system. We didn't want Kenny's dad to be exposed to infection. He is very sensitive to that right now... It was a bummer because we haven't seen them in a while.

We didn't do anything. In fact, we were downright lazy. We barely got out of jammies all day. Kenny and I watched nearly the entire Lonesome Dove mini-series (we watched Part 1 last night). Kenny made me breakfast this morning (or was it afternoon LOL). We ordered pizza for dinner. The kids played with bubbles in the backyard and watched a few *blush* movies. It was a nice, relaxing day.

oops... I missed a day in May!

2008-05-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

So much for that quest *blush* I was so tired last night that I didn't really think about posting.
I ran the twenty miles! It was great. I am composing a post with more details in hopes that my other blog will get up and running soon. It is going on a week *sniff sniff* I feel REALLY good about my run. It was HARD, but I am pretty sure I'll be able to tack another six miles onto it in a couple of weeks. I was pretty sore today. I used my "stick" and worked out the worst spots. I think I'll be fine by tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

2008-05-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

Since I don't have my running blog, I thought I would post a quick note here about my run tomorrow. We are running twenty miles. That is something I never thought I would actually do. I have a mixture of excitement and nerves. I have actually been looking forward to it. I have had a stressful week and the thought of over three hours of doing nothing but listen to music and chat with friends is nice. I am nervous because...well.... because it is TWENTY MILES. I really want to finish strong so I have confidence in my ability to do the additional six.

I'm off to bed. In a few hours I will be running. Yay me!

A Blogger vent...

2008-05-08T17:05:00.000-07:00

I have two blogs. My original blog is what I have used to document the huge undertaking of training for my first marathon. There are blood, sweat and tears in the words on those pages. I started this one to talk about the non-running stuff like my kids, my thoughts on random things etc. While I love the things I write about here, the running blog is something incredibly meaningful to me. Several friends and family check in and read it and it encourages me daily.

I didn't know how much that blog meant to me until I lost it. Or at least I thought I lost it. When I clicked on the link the other night and it said that it had been removed, I seriously freaked. I panicked that one of the kids had accidentally hit a key or something when I left the dashboard up on the screen. I was in tears. Now I know that I over-reacted a bit, but at the time, I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of losing so much of my journey. My friends have told me that it means a lot to them, too. It documents the journey for Laura, Lisa and Jen as well.

I did finally figure out what happened (after my computer locked up and restarting it), I found this message:
"Blogger's spam-prevention robots have detected that your blog has characteristics of a spam blog. (What's a spam blog?) Since you're an actual person reading this, your blog is probably not a spam blog. Automated spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and we sincerely apologize for this false positive."
That was Tuesday night. It still isn't back. All it needs is a human to click on it once to realize that a computer did NOT generate my blog. What is taking so long???? I feel naked without it. I have had several e-mails from friends asking me where it went. I had just registered with a running blog forum and I was getting hits outside of my circle of friends/family and it was cool. I was getting support from other runners. Now I may have lost some of those people.

It irritates me a LOT. Now I am wondering if I should move to another blogging site. It really isn't fair. What if I was using that blog for my business somehow? And if you have a computer generated screen, why not just e-mail someone and make them jump through a hoop or two to prove they are a human rather than just removing the entire content?????? I mean, for crying out loud, they make you fill in numbers/letters to prove you are not a computer before commenting, why couldn't they do that to make sure your blog is not some sort of "link spam."

Just writing about this makes me mad. I think I'll go to bed now.....

Jackson's grin....

2008-05-07T06:06:00.000-07:00

These pictures were taken sometime within the past year. I believe that they were taken (from left to right) in August, December, March and April....

It is one thing that makes my day. I can be SO mad at him for some reason or another, but if I look over at him and he has that big grin, I'm toast. Unfortunately, he doesn't smile all that often when I am angry at him. Luckily, neither he nor I stay angry very long. He can go from crying one minute to happy-go-lucky the next.

He used to do this thing when he was younger (around 2 or 2 1/2). He was (and still is) a bit of a whiner. So I would tell him that I didn't hear him when he was whining. He would get this big ol'

grin on his face, tilt his head to one side and say with animation, "I'm not whining." I think he thought that the lilting tone of voice and big grin would fool me.... and it did.

This picture was taken when he was 2 1/2.

God, I love that kid.....

It's Tuesday!!

2008-05-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

I am excited for Tuesdays because I get to enjoy my guilty pleasure. I tune in every Tuesday night to listen to my new favorite singer. Yes... my guilty pleasure is American Idol. I know I am not alone on this one.... millions of people do it.

So who is my favorite? David Cook, of course. He is the best one on the show and probably one of the best singers out there right now. I love his voice and his music style. I have already purchased three or four of his songs off iTunes and will most likely purchase his album when it comes out. He is incredibly talented.

I used to make fun of people who watched American Idol. I thought it was silly and brainless. I completely understand how it might drop me down a notch in some people's opinion. Oh well... Sometimes we need silly and brainless. It is one of those shows (along with America's Funniest Home Videos) that we can watch as a family. Well... Amelia is in bed, but Jackson enjoys American Idol and what can be wrong with an hour of music? Heck... the last two seasons, Jackson's favorites have been different than Kenny's and mine (Taylor Hicks and Jordin Sparks). Ironically, his favorites were also the favorites of the majority of fans where my favorites didn't win (Blake Lewis, Katherine McPhee, Chris Daughtry).

So there it is. My guilty pleasure is out there. Judge me if you will......

Cinco de Mayo!

2008-05-05T12:13:00.000-07:00

It used to mean such different things when I was younger. It was a day to party. There was always something going on on May 5.

Today is just another Monday. I am making tacos for dinner and I am planning on drinking a nice cold beer tonight. That is my homage to Cinco de Mayo of the past.

Do I miss the partying days of Cinco de Mayo? Nope. I wouldn't trade it for the world. This is exactly where I want to be on May 5, 2008.

Note to self: pay it forward to someone this week...

2008-05-04T17:50:00.000-07:00

We had a good weekend. On Saturday, we went down to Coronado and watched part of the Red Bull Air Races over the bay. It was pretty cool. Sean and Suz were there and it was so nice to see them. We really don't see our old group of friends very often any more. Sometimes Kenny and I wonder if we saw them more when we lived in Palm Springs. I know we had more quality time because people would come out and stay with us for a weekend at a time, not just a party or afternoon of volleyball every few months.

Oh... the nicest thing happened. Parking was a nightmare down there, so Kenny was in the process of dropping me off with Amelia and the stroller while he and Jackson went searching for a place to park. As I am unloading, a woman comes up and asks if we need a parking spot. She had a great spot just across the street and wanted to give it to us because we had small children. HOW NICE! I promised her that we would pay it forward. Unfortunately, by the time we left, nobody was looking for parking anymore. I will definitely remember that I owe somebody a good deed like that.

A Post a Day in May....

2008-05-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

I may be just a follower, but I am new to this whole blogging thing and I thought this was cool. I saw on Penny's blog a challenge to post every day in May. I thought, what the heck. It might also help get traffic to other blogs. Penny's blog was linked back to her friend Jenny, who came up with this cute little design for the challenge.

So to any of my blogging friends, I issue you the same challenge to do a post a day in the month of May.

sweet girl of mine....

2008-05-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

My friend, Heather, told me that I need to write down the cute things my kids do. Isn't that why I started this blog to begin with?

Every day and night after I read her a book, Amelia and I say her prayers as part of a bedtime routine. We say them before naps as well as at night (so I guess our family and friends are getting doubly blessed *wink*) Lately, this is the time when she gets very snuggly. She puts her arm around my neck (I am laying in her bed with her) and I usually stroke her hair or arms or back. She gets her face really close to mine and on particularly sleepy afternoons (or nights) she starts to whisper some of the names.

Her prayers always end the same way:
Mommy: "Who loves you most of all?"
Amelia: "Mommy Daddy mo' m'all..... and Jacks-non" [Mommy and Daddy love me most of all...and Jackson]
After this... she pushes me away and says "seep deems" [sweet dreams]. On the lucky days she also says "I 'ove you too, Mama"

It really does make everything worth it, doesn't it?

For those of you who pray...

2008-05-02T07:38:00.001-07:00

I don't pray much myself, but I do believe in the power of prayer.

Our friend, Mark Arnold, is in the ICU with severe pancreatitis. He went into septic shock two weeks ago where his organs shut down. They don't know what has caused this. It is scary to hear about a very healthy 44-year-old (only a year or two older than Kenny) having such a health scare. Mark has been a world-class athlete and still stays in shape.

Here is a link to the website they have set up to keep friends and family updated: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/markarnold

So any prayers you can spare for this great guy and his wonderful wife would be much appreciated. Jill is so strong, but this isn't easy for her. It also can't be easy for their two teenage/preteen kids....

road trip

2008-04-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

We went to Monterey last weekend. I guess I never realized how far it was when I agreed to go to the bike festival with Kenny for a weekend. I was so tired from that long drive home. Kenny had to stick around to take down the tent/trailer etc. He didn't get back until 3 a.m.-- so I am very glad I didn't stick around to wait for him. Still... it was a tough drive.

I forget how difficult driving by myself with two children can be. The first challenge came within the first few hours. Amelia had fallen asleep (boy did she need it) and had been asleep for just under two hours. Jackson had to go to the bathroom. Hmmm.... now what? Obviously, the potty break can't be ignored. Jackson is too little to send in by himself and of course I can't leave Amelia in the car. So the sacrifice was Amelia's nap.

I filled up on gas to limit the number of stops. After Jackson's potty break (and Mommy's), both kids wanted a snack. I was sitting in the car dealing with the snack while the gas was pumping. Amelia was being very "two" and demanding her " 'ogurt heezer" (yogurt squeezer). I had to help them both push the yogurt to the top. She was making her usual mess. I needed to wipe everything up with a baby wipe and throw it all in the trash. I saw a trash can across the parking lot, so I put the car in gear and drove toward it. BANG... I looked back and I was DRAGGING THE GAS NOZZLE BEHIND ME!!!!!! Holy Crap! I had never done that before and panic started welling to the surface.

A very nice couple saw the whole thing. The lady said, "I did that a month ago, don't worry about it." Her husband said that it is break-away as a safety feature. He said it just snaps back on. As he tried to put it back, he got gas all over him. OY! I felt so bad. I actually started to cry (add lack of sleep, frustration with cranky kids, the idea of 6 more hours of driving and embarrassment---- there was no way the tears weren't coming). The guy went into the gas station to let them know what happened. I pulled over to the other side of the parking lot to sit for a minute. I was a bit shaky.

When I called Kenny to tell him what happened, I was relieved to hear that he had done the same thing! He told me that he did it in front of a bunch of construction workers who laughed at him. He was driving our old Z4 (the convertible BMW) so it made it that much worse. Why is it that someone else's humiliation made me feel better? I guess I was happy that I was in good company.

Does it make me a bad person....

2008-04-16T15:06:00.000-07:00

...if I hoard snickerdoodle cookies for myself?? My friend, Laura, baked me my favorite cookies for my birthday. I don't particularly like cake and Laura wanted to bake me something special. I gave the kids each one that day, but none since. I just enjoyed a few yummy snickerdoodles that are hidden in the pasta cupboard. Mommy deserves some special treats for herself now and then doesn't she?? Sshhhh.... don't tell the kids.

So sad today...

2008-04-15T20:59:00.000-07:00

I received an e-mail from my friend Abby wishing me a belated happy birthday. She said that she was going to call me yesterday but she didn't want to bring me down on my birthday considering the tragic news about Kevin. I called her and asked what was up. I hadn't watched the news yesterday at all...

A former coworker of mine, Kevin Vicary, was killed tragically yesterday morning. Ironically, out of all my old workmates, I saw him most recently. I saw him with his wife and youngest daughter at Rubios. He updated me on what was happening at Sycuan. It was so nice to see him and talk with him and his wife and see his little girl who is only a couple of months older than Amelia. It makes me so incredibly sad to think about.

Kevin was cleaning his pool with his two-year-old daughter, Ariana, nearby. A minivan ran a red light at Granite Hills and Dehesa and hit a semi truck. The truck went out of control and careened through Kevin's fence and into his pool--taking Kevin with him. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24143636/

The thing that struck me so much with this whole story was the fact that his two-year-old daughter was there with him. As the truck pushed him into the water and pushed him to the bottom, he somehow managed to get to the side of the pool. I heard from a friend of mine at the casino that Ariana was trying to get in the water to get to him and Kevin kept saying, "Daddy's Ok, stay out of the water!" There was oil and approximately 80 gallons of diesel fuel in that pool which would have been very dangerous to that little girl. It seems that his last act of his life was to save the life of his daughter. I couldn't imagine something like that happening and wondering where your daughter is. I can picture him doing whatever it took to make sure that his baby was safe.

I called Kenny this afternoon just to tell him that I love him. Something like this really makes me cherish my family and what is important to me.

My heart goes out to Kevin's wife, Isabel. I can't imagine the pain she is in. I don't pray much, but I pray for those little girls and their mother. I hope that they find some peace and heal over time.

Happy Birthday to me...

2008-04-14T22:04:00.001-07:00

41 is pretty anti-climactic after such a fabulous 40th birthday celebration. I am glad that this year's birthday was so low key. In the morning I opened some fabulous gifts from my family. The kids opened each gift. They didn't care what was in them... they just liked the act of opening them. After that, it was a pretty typical Monday. I took the kids to Stroller Strides, went to coffee with my friends, fed the kids lunch, put them down for naps etc. There was some of the usual stress in getting out the door on time, but all in all it was a good day.

We went to dinner at a family restaurant and had a nice time. It was wonderful that Kenny was able to leave work early enough to meet us. It was a bit challenging, however. Amelia is showing all signs of her terrible twos. She did not want to eat and wanted out of the booster all over Mommy [note to self: Amelia is not ready for a booster. A high chair is still the appropriate choice for our little toddler] By the time we all shared dessert, I was ready to get home and get everyone to bed.

My favorite part of the day was something that my hubby did that really made me smile. From the first moment I woke up, I found notes from him saying things like, "happy birthday," "we love you Momma," and "have a great day." There was one under the pillow in our bed. I left the house before he did because he was finishing up our taxes *rolls eyes* When I came home, there was a note taped to the frame in the entry. I found notes in the refrigerator, on my keyboard, on the wireless headphones, on the remote, in the bathroom.... It was such a sweet, thoughtful thing to do.

small world...

2008-04-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

Probably everyone reading this knows that we were evacuated during the fires in October of last year. The Harris fire burned up and over Mt. Miguel, which is directly behind our house. It came down into our canyon where firefighters and helicopters stopped its progress. On Tuesday, October 23 we turned on the TV and saw the fire blazing with our house in the foreground! The news crew zoomed in on our house (which is the first on the block) and showed a group of firefighters sitting on our lawn furniture watching the fire and waiting. I called the local fire department and told them to get a message to the crew that they were welcome to anything in our home... water, soda etc. I wanted those guys to stay put in case the fire came close to our house! When we returned home, we realized that they had been in our house. They removed some curtains from an upstairs window as a precaution as well as pulling some other curtains away from the big picture window on our landing.

Well................ Jen's husband Greg, who we just spent a long weekend with, is a firefighter for National City. One evening at the lake house, we were chatting about the fires and comparing stories. Greg asked where we live. He then asked some more specific questions. Suddenly, his eyes got big and he laughed and said, "I used your bathroom!" He was in our house! He sat on our chairs! This was before I had met him, so he had no way of knowing that the children in the pictures on the wall played with his kids at Stroller Strides.

Out of the thousands of homes threatened by that fire and the thousands of firefighters protecting those homes.... what are the odds??!! It boggles my mind.

Fabulous weekend!!!

2008-04-08T22:35:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, we went with my friend and running partner, Jen and her family to stay at her sister's lake house in Canyon Lake. It was actually our first time taking a trip with another family and it was really, really enjoyable. They have a four-year-old boy and a two-year-old girl and they all had so much fun. The grownups had fun too. We had compatible energy levels, humor and parenting styles.

I am going to use pictures to describe some of the highlights of the weekend. The kids all had a lot of fun. They really enjoyed the boat and each other...

Jackson and Greyson were inseparable.

And the girls were two peas in a pod as well!

The kids were able to go fishing! If they caught something, it would have been quite a feat since there were no hooks or bait *wink* They had a good time with it though...

The kids weren't the only ones to enjoy themselves... Here are pics of myself, Kenny, Jen and Greg:

It had been over a decade since I waterskiied. I was a bit nervous that I wouldn't be able to get up. I am not sure if I look determined or relieved in these shots.

But it all came back to me...

Even the crashes! This one HURT.

All in all, it was SO much fun. I wish we could have skiied even more.

Jen kicked some @$$ too!!

And a killer crash or two *wink*

The dads had fun too! Greg tried waterskiing too.

Earlier, he had flown over the wake on the wakeboard

And Kenny tried out wakeboarding for the first time. If at first you don't succeed....

Try, try again!!

Jen and Greg really treated us as family. We felt at home in a beautiful home on the lake. Hats off to Jen's sister Toby (sp?) for allowing Jen to bring her friends to her wonderful place. Thank you SO much!

My kids are great (part 2)

2008-03-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

Amelia (aka Mia)... what can I say about her? She is simply amazing. To think that Kenny and I considered stopping at one child. We both assumed that since Jackson was SUCH a good baby, toddler etc. that we would end up with a devil child to put balance into the world. We had friends that reminded us ALL the time that Jackson was an abnormally good baby and we would be in for it with our second. I am so glad that we completed our family with this wonderful little girl.

Amelia was a little harder as a baby, but ANY baby would be tough when you have a toddler to deal with. She was a NORMAL baby. I wouldn't say that she was particularly fussy or colicky. She spit up ALL the time, but it didn't seem to hurt her disposition too much. She gave me fits by not gaining weight quickly enough, but I was lucky to have a great lactation consultant who, coincidentally, is married to our pediatrician. Between monitoring the amount of milk she was getting from me and getting reassurance from the dr that she was just a skinny kid by nature, I made it through those worries just fine. Even being a little skinny mini, she reached physical milestones very early. She rolled over before she was three months old. She crawled at five months. She took her first steps at nine months. She was definitely getting adequate nutrition!

Fast forward to my skinny mini two-year-old.... She is smart as a whip. People tell me it is because she is the second child. I honestly think she is very smart. I know that her early talking is a result of exposure to her brother, but how quickly she learns new things is all her. Just yesterday I was reading a book to her and pointed out that one of the characters was juggling (it wasn't written in the story, just animated that way). Today when we were reading the same book she pointed out that the Lion was juggling. I know... that is pretty normal, but I am a proud mommy. I'll let you know if she points to a different juggler and identifies the activity--then you can be impressed.

Amelia has a real sparkle to her. Often it shows up as that mischievous gleam in her eye when she is doing something that she isn't supposed to be doing. Other times I see it in her goofy sense of humor. She loves to make silly faces and talk in a funny voice.

Like her brother, she loves music. Just this morning, I heard her on the monitor waking up singing . I then recognized that she was singing her favorite song from Stroller Strides-- "Alligator, Alligator...can be your friend, can be your friend...whoo!" The other day I was talking about how it was someone's birthday and she started singing "happy birthday."

I always thought that Jackson was a talkative kid, but Amelia puts him to shame. Now granted, Jackson was only saying a few words by the time he was two, so it isn't a fair comparison, but I don't remember him narrating his life as much as she does. While her vocabulary is huge, her pronunciation still has a way to go. My favorite is how she replaces her "s's" with "h's." She loves the song, "We Are the Dinosaurs" on the Laurie Berkner cd. She says, "Momma, I hinging Dinohaurs!" It is SO cute!

BOTH my kids are developing really cute personalities. And how can you NOT admit how CUTE they are?? ;-)

My kids are great (part 1)

2008-03-26T16:04:00.000-07:00

It's not such a creative title, but I thought I would take some time and describe what is going on with Jackson and Amelia so family and friends can keep up with them.

I'll start with Jackson.

He is really a great kid. He is everything a four-year-old should be: inquisitive, rambunctious and silly. He loves music and Star Wars. He loves building things. His favorite thing to play with (at least today) is his Magnatiles. They are plastic tiles that are magnatized and attach to each other. He makes space ships and houses. This is what he plays with when he is supposed to be taking a nap. He hasn't slept during nap time in months. I still act as if he does. I read a book and put him down. Almost immediately, I hear him play with those tiles or Legos.

Jackson seems to be liked by adults. He learns adults' names quickly and uses them in conversation. He doesn't lack in the conversation department--afterall, he is his mother's son :-) I get compliments all the time from my friends at Stroller Strides how well-mannered he is and how good he is with the smaller kids. One of the cutest things he does is go around to all the moms and ask them if they want to go to coffee with us. He is my little social coordinator. He is a Mommy Jr. I am so proud.

Speaking of the smaller kids... they just LOVE him. Many of the younger kids at Stroller Strides cal his name when they see him. They follow him around after class like the Pied Piper. And he eats it up. He is the instigator of many of the play that they do. Luckily, he is pretty well-behaved. I put more responsibility on him because he is in a position of role model. What he does, the little ones do. I honestly think he enjoys that role.

More later....

Bad Mommy Moments...

2008-03-25T17:41:00.000-07:00

Every time I have a "bad mommy" moment, I should just watch Supernanny to make myself feel better. Holy cow... some of these parents should have never had children. Some of those people are just in over their heads, but others seem to let their kids parent themselves. I don't know if they are just lazy or if they don't care. They call the Supernanny when they have lost control. Thank goodness we have a grip on things enough to avoid Supernanny.

However, I had a pretty bad mommy moment at Target yesterday. I felt HORRIBLE about what happened. Ironically, we were shopping for a reward chart for Jackson. I was looking at poster board and pens and Jackson was wandering around near me. Amelia was in the cart and not happy about it. When I was ready to go, I looked around me. I was annoyed because he wasn't right behind me looking at the stickers. In the corner of my eye I saw a little boy with a yellow shirt over by the shampoo with an adult. As I am looking/calling for Jackson I started panicking and wondering if Jackson was with the wrong adult. I headed toward the area I thought I saw his yellow shirt. I then saw the uniformed security guard walking with him toward me. I scolded him for walking away from me. He started to cry and I realized that he was pretty scared. Man, I suck. I knelt down and hugged him for a while. I felt bad for scolding him. I told him later that the reason I was so mad at him for not following the rules was because I was scared that I had lost him. I told him that he is my most precious thing in the world and that I NEVER want to lose him.

I know it will not be the last time that I deserve the "bad mommy moment" award (it definitely was not the first). I just have to keep loving them and letting them know how much I love them. I have tried to use yesterday's scare as a learning experience. Right now, I am just counting my blessings that nothing bad happened to him...

a mini mommy brag...

2008-03-23T20:34:00.000-07:00

I used to giggle at moms who bragged about their kids doing every day things. BUT... these every day things are HUGE to a four-year-old and therefore huge for his mother. This weekend, Jackson mastered counting to 100! Earlier this week he could do it, but I had to help him remember the factors of ten. Tonight he counted to 100 without a single hint. Yeah!!! I am so proud and you should see his face. He is pretty proud of himself.

I think I'll try to teach him something like this every week. What a great feeling for both of us.

Lessons for my children: Hospitality

2008-03-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

There are two German teenagers' rucksacks in Jackson's room right now. They recently graduated from high school and are traveling the world before "university." Kenny met Florian at the ski bike festival in Durango. He was interning for Devin Lenz, who I met last year and is a great guy (he let me ride one of his ski bikes all day). Kenny made the off-hand comment while they were ski-biking, "hey, if you are ever in San Diego you have a place to stay." I am not sure if Kenny realized that Europeans take that as more than being polite and will take you up on it. Less than a month later, he and his buddy are flopping at our place.

It makes me feel good. These guys are just kids. If Jackson is ever traveling through Europe someday, I hope he runs into people who take him in like we have these two "boys." [as a side note--- I am feeling incredibly old when I refer to 18-year-olds as 'boys,' but Kenny and I dated in college a year before they were born.] I hope that Jackson remembers how his parents opened their homes to people and fed them and lent them our snorkel equipment to enjoy the San Diego ocean.

It is a shame that I had slight pause about letting complete strangers in my home around my children. On one hand, it is my job to protect them and make sure that they are never in harm's way and we really didn't know these guys. On the other hand, I wish we could completely trust everyone we come across. It turns out that they are completely harmless. The worst thing that they have done is left a sandwich in their bag that Buddy got a hold of and made quite a mess. I had to take Jackson to school this morning, leaving them alone in our home. When I returned, they had left for the day and all was well. The laptop, iPod and other easy-to-swipe items were all here.

I have found myself lately thinking about what I do and what lesson it might teach my children. I am nowhere near perfect and I want them to learn from my imperfection. I want them to become good people by learning from my mistakes as much as from following my lead. Luckily, in this case they can learn that hospitality is a good thing.

My baby girl is TWO...

2008-03-17T13:57:00.001-07:00

I feel like I am entering a new stage of our lives. I don't have babies any more. As soon as Amelia potty trains, it is official. Part of me is excited for all the things we can do as a family (skiing, hiking, biking etc.) but part of me will miss my babies.

Amelia is at SUCH a great age. Every day she says or does something that I wish I had the video camera. She amazes me with what she says all the time. She is speaking in complete sentences and has a wonderful sense of humor. She has a strong personality and is constantly fighting with her brother. I hope that means that she will be an outgoing, confident person later in life.

She had a good birthday, I think. We started it yesterday afternoon. She hadn't napped well at ALL, so we knew that we were risking an unpleasant evening, but she was actually really good. We went to My Kids' Clubhouse in Bonita and practically had the place to ourselves. Both Jackson and Amelia had a great time.

Jackson even climbed a rock wall!

We met Heather, Jeff and Piper and TGIFriday's for dinner. The girls entertained each other and the adults had good conversations. I wish I had brought in my camera, because Amelia wolfed down a large portion of ice cream in record time (she was supposed to be splitting it with Piper, but Piper declined). Amelia was a little amped after dinner and wanted to play, but we finally got her down around 8:30

This morning, she woke up a bit cranky. I think the night before was a bit stimulating. I put balloons in front of her door, tied to a Dora weight. That helped quite a bit.

However, she didn't take long to show us her "two-ness"

She unwrapped some gifts... (nice bed head! LOL)

And ended up having a great day...

Parenting is not an exact science...

2008-03-13T13:01:00.000-07:00

I wrote this short essay for my book club after we read This I Believe. It is a collection of essays from the NPR series of the same name ( http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4538138 ). It is a short description of my basic belief in parenting that we don't have all the answers and we do the best we can.

"Parenting is Not an Exact Science"

The best advice I ever received for getting my babies to sleep was to do “whatever works.” So my oldest ended up sleeping in a swing, a car seat and eventually my bed for the first months of his life. This idea has seeped over into other aspects of parenting. When I had a three-year-old throwing a temper tantrum (he skipped his terrible two’s which made the three’s pretty tough), I would stick his binky in his mouth and thought to myself, “whatever works.” Parenting is hard enough and if I can find something to pacify my toddler, why not use it? He has since grown out of using his pacifier and the fact that I let him use it longer than the conventional norm has not hurt him in the long run. ‘Whatever works’… works for me.

If I were to write a parenting book today, I think I would title it, Parenting by the Seat of Your Pants. Sometimes “winging it” and listening to your instincts is the best thing to do and I wish that I would do it more often. I, along with so many well-intentioned mothers, over-think my decisions when it comes to my kids to the point of obsession. Do you know how long I researched car seats before settling on the two in my car? I stress about organic foods, hydrogenated oils, nitrates and now our water supply! I lost sleep over which pre-school to enroll my son. I have finally come to the realization that the rare trip through the drive-through is not going to hurt my kids and there are very few decisions I make today that will adversely affect them for the rest of their lives. I am pretty sure that I make decent choices for them every day. If one of them isn’t optimal, I am hoping that everything else will make up for it. By trusting my instincts and doing what I think is the right thing at the time; I am doing the best that I can. I find that the more relaxed I am with my parenting choices, the better mother I am. Whatever works, right?

I used to harshly judge people for their parenting choices before I had children. I was one of those single thirty-something’s that had opinions on child rearing that had absolutely no basis in reality. Some of the things that bothered me as a childless yuppie still stick with me today, however. I still have little patience for children running around a restaurant—but I don’t think I am alone in that one. Most of my judgments, on the other hand, have been thrown out the window. For example, my second child cured me of ever looking down on a mother with a dirty kid. It is not a matter of poor hygiene; some kids just make a mess. I tried to keep her clean and have changes of clothes etc., but I quickly realized that I am not that perfect mom and if my daughter gets black beans all over her dress, that is what Oxyclean is for.

As long as my children are happy, healthy, and reasonably well behaved, I must be doing something right. No matter what I do or how well adjusted they seem, I will always worry that I am doing the right thing by them. I have talked to so many moms like me who obsess and agonize over making the wrong choice and being a “bad mom.” My true belief is that anyone who worries about being a bad mom isn’t one. It is the ones who don’t care at all that are the bad ones….