Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Karma is a bitch...

What kind of karmic retribution is there for someone who is evil and doesn't know it? Some people are so narcissistic that they don't realize that their actions are as bad as someone who knowingly does evil, yet they go through life believing that they are "good" people.

Something happened last night that set me off. It made steam come out of my ears. I am glad I wasn't with Kenny last night. While I am normally very averse to conflict, I may have said something. Kenny was at an event with some former colleagues. Everyone was very cordial and friendly. After all, bygones are bygones, right? So Kenny was chatting with a particular person and he mentioned that he had recently completed a triathlon. The other person said, "Wow... that's great. So being unemployed isn't so bad!" W.T.F??????? Um... that's like saying to a guy with no legs that he is lucky that he couldn't run that marathon because it was really hard. Seriously? Unless you have the kind of relationship where that kind of interaction is common (it is not in this case), that sort of comment is not appropriate. It is especially not appropriate when you are the person responsible for the unemployment and a good deal of the stress associated with it.

Kenny said that many of his former colleagues were surprised that he hadn't found a job yet. We're surprised, too. This economy is far worse than a lot of people think. When Kenny and I have been laid off in the past, we found employment within weeks. We aren't even getting call backs for interviews this time. This has been an incredibly difficult time for us. It has been hard on our marriage, hard on our family and we have really tried to make the best of it (by doing things like competing in triathlons). For someone to make light of our circumstances is hurtful. It makes it worse when that person seems oblivious to our stress and complains about his (he has to work and doesn't have time to train for a triathlon). I choose to believe that this person is not malicious. He just doesn't think about how is words and actions affect other people. I think that is the definition of narcissist.

This post was originally a specific attack on the individual who said the hurtful comment (with names, links and pictures designed to trigger search engines). I realized that nothing good can come out of putting negative things on the internet about a specific person. I feel a bit better now. I know that the comment by itself doesn't seem like much. However, combined with ALL the things that this person has done (even without knowing), I had had enough. Since this is a somewhat private blog...my vent about this person will stay right here on this blog.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Where's my lucky charm?

*warning: this post is more of a rant and has a very whiny quality.

I used to think that I had lived a pretty charmed life. I had good jobs, great friends and family, and things worked out pretty well for me. However, there was always the worry in the back of my mind that the charm would fade. I still have a pretty incredible life with two of the best kids in the world and a great husband. BUT... I am not living the charmed life and I don't know what to do to get it back.

I know that compared to some people, we have it pretty good. They aren't foreclosing on our house, but that is because we had a lot of savings built up. The key word is had. The only reason that we aren't in a worse situation is because we had been living beneath our means for the most part and we are blessed to have family who have and will help us. However, the longer we go without income, the bleaker our bright future looks.

The last few months have been tough. Kenny and I have both been laid off before. In the past, we found jobs within weeks. This economy is as bad as the media is saying. At least it seems pretty darn bad for us. Kenny has put in for dozens of jobs and only had one interview. Most people don't even bother to e-mail him to acknowledge the receipt of his resume. Since throwing my hat back in the ring, I have experienced the same thing. I have applied for jobs that I am clearly qualified for (several years experience in that particular position). I have only received one "thanks, but no thanks" response. The other jobs disappeared into the void. In addition to people not giving candidates common courtesy, they are low-balling. We have both seen cases of companies wanting to pay far less than market for qualified candidates, just because they know they can.

The past few weeks have really taken their toll on my positive attitude. Aside from the bleak job situation, my life seems to be falling apart. The grill fell off our BMW. We have the trashiest looking luxury car around! Our big television took a crap. It is sitting on the dining room table with the parts spilled out everywhere (as Kenny takes on DIY). "Check Engine" lights are on in both cars. Our floors have no baseboards, making our beautiful new(ish) hardwood floors look trashy. The other day I was backing out of a parking space and c.r.u.n.c.h....I ran the right front panel right into a cement pole. GRRRRRRR.... a COMPLETELY avoidable cosmetic ouchy on my car! Nothing, by itself, is cause for undue anxiety. But, EVERYTHING seems to be falling apart and we don't have any extra money to replace/fix them. So it is no wonder that when my sister-in-law's dogs chewed a giant hole in Kenny's rash guard, I was nearly in tears. It is a ten-year-old rash guard that is easily replaced. In fact, it was even a bit thread bare. At any other time, this would be no big deal. But COME ON.... can we catch a BREAK??????

Normally, when I start feeling the world close in around me like this, I go for a run. It has saved my sanity on numerous occasions in the past months. Well... I can't even do that!! Somehow, I injured my chest.* It hurts pretty much all the time. It hurts worse when pressure is put on it. A nice hug from Kenny is very painful. :-( I can only sleep on one side and sleeping in any position other than with my arm slung over a pillow is uncomfortable. I ran twice last week. On Sunday's thirteen mile run, it hurt a bit for about 5 or 6 miles and then I stopped noticing it. On Tuesday's seven mile run, it hurt the entire time and seemed to hurt worse afterwards. I decided not to run until I find out what is going on. It is not like the pain is unbearable. I can run fine with a little discomfort. However, the location (the left chest) and the fact that it is not better in eleven days has me concerned about the origin of the pain. I would hate for running to make something minor turn into something worse. I miss my endorphins and I don't have money to go out and get drunk. So until the doctor tells me I'm being a big baby, I'll just pout and feel sorry for myself.

*I am pretty sure it happened water skiing, but I didn't feel any pain while doing it. I had one big fall at the end, but, once again, it didn't hurt. Hmmm....